In this article, I’ll cover why you procrastinate, the effects of procrastination, and how to overcome it.

Procrastination is created by you, not by the activity. The resistance to doing something is basically a fear, often a fear of failure or a fear of rejection.  It can arise when someone tells you what to do and you want to resist that.

You may also procrastinate when the task is boring or not motivating.  If your self-confidence is low, you may procrastinate because tasks seem harder or outside of your abilities. We also procrastinate when we associate pain with doing something. That pain could be effort, discomfort or feeling that the task is hard or stressful. However, this is purely the meaning or perception that you give to that particular task.  It’s making it seem much bigger than it really is.

There are three types of procrastination.

  1. Not starting tasks
  2. Not finishing tasks or tasks taking longer than they need to take.  This is often due to a fear of the task not being perfect.
  3. Putting off making decisions, or requiring too much information to make a decision.

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The effects of procrastination

Just knowing the effects of procrastination could give you the rocket fuel that you need to spring into action.  They include:

  • Loss of precious time, which could be spent with family, friends or having some fun!
  • Regret later in life from missed opportunities to change your life and make a difference.
  • Lower self-esteem and self-confidence.
  • Rushed, last minute, emotional decisions that may not be the best for you.  The quality of your life is largely influenced by the quality of your decisions.
  • Damage to your reputation, by not delivering on time.
  • Poor health, due to additional stress and anxiety by leaving things to the last minute or by putting off important health checks.

The cure for procrastination is taking action! I can think of so many times in my life when doing the task immediately made me feel better and increased my self-confidence.  However, taking action is not always easy, so keep reading and I’ll share many ways to get off your butt and get going!

1. Do the most challenging task first

Most people have higher concentration and will-power earlier in the day, so it makes sense to do the most challenging task first.  This will boost your motivation and every other task will be easier after the first task. However, set a time-limit for the most challenging task, so you don’t spend all day doing it.

2. Limit distractions

Create a distraction-free environment. Turn off E-mail and mobile notifications. Why? your brain will unconsciously look for reasons to pull you away from tasks you don’t want to do. Your brain spots a notification and before you know it, you’re not doing the task you set out to do.  Also, keep your desk tidy. Robin Sharma says that “mess creates stress”.

3. Don’t try to be perfect

Perfectionism is the partner in crime to procrastination. Remember that good enough is fine. You can always improve it over time. I know this is obvious but the extra time spent on making it perfect could be spent doing something else.

The same applies to making decisions. Set a time-limit for the amount of research and information gathering you will do.  Then go ahead and make the best decision you can, with the information available.

4. Reward yourself

Associating a reward to completing tasks will give you more motivation.  Remember “what gets rewarded gets repeated”. Your brain will start to automatically associate getting things done with some kind of reward. That’s good for getting things done and for your overall level of happiness and fulfillment.  Match the reward to the task.  For a small task, the reward could be chatting with a colleague for a few minutes. For larger tasks and projects, it could be a night out at the movies or going out for dinner.

5. Say the words “Do It Now”

To combat procrastination, Brian Tracy suggests repeating the words “Do it now.” until you feel like doing the task. Keep saying this regularly and your unconscious mind will pick up on this. Before you know it, you will have developed a new habit and be taking more action naturally.

6. Change your thinking

If you keep thinking about how your chronic procrastination gets in the way of your motivation, your goals, your dreams, then this will become a subconscious belief and that’s how your life will continue.

Instead, think about how brilliant you are at getting difficult and important tasks done straightaway and how incredibly organized you are with your time. Over time, your unconscious mind will accept that as the “truth” and you will naturally get more things done faster.

7. 30-day procrastination diet

Robin Sharma suggests creating a list of 30 things that you’ve been putting off and doing one of these things each day for 30 days. Do this and you will build up greater willpower and the habit of getting things done! This is a novel way to overcome the effects of procrastination and it’s great for your self-confidence too.

8. Ban the words “should”, “have to” and “must”

When your brain hears the words “should”, “have to” and “must”, it feels like it’s being told what to do and it resists.  Imagine another person saying that you should, must or have to do something.  If you’re like most people, you would probably rebel.  That’s basically what your brain does when it hears these words.

Instead, use words that provide options and choices, such as “could”, “choose” or “want”  For example, I could complete this assignment today or I want to go to the gym. Then think of the consequences of not doing it.  Your mind will then realize that you have a choice, but with choice comes consequences.

9. Feel the resistance

When you procrastinate, notice the resistance and tension in your body. Take a couple of deep breaths in, and really feel that feeling. Your mind will then start to calm down and you’ll gain a different perspective on the task.  It won’t seem so big anymore.  You can also release the feelings of resistance using the Sedona Method questions.

10. Ask questions

When you ask yourself a question, your mind is compelled to answer it. A good question is “If I don’t do this task, what will it cost me in my life?” Answering this question will reveal the pain of not doing it and spur you into action.  It’s a negative motivation.

Other questions are “How will doing this task improve my life?” or “What will doing this task give me?” The answers to these questions will be reasons or benefits for doing the task.  This will fuel your motivation to get on with it.

11. Focus on completion

Overcome the effects of procrastination by focussing on how you will feel when you complete the task. You will then feel more motivated and inspired to act now.

12. Change your measurement of time

To make the future seem more immediate use a smaller measurement of time.  For example, think of a year as 12 months, 1 day as 24 hours, or 2 hours as 120 minutes. For some strange reason, using smaller time units makes the future seem more immediate.

13. Have an accountability buddy

Being accountable to someone else is one of the best ways to stay motivated and avoid the effects of procrastination. Share your goals and deadlines with someone else and ask them to monitor your progress and check up on you.  A life coach is great for this, but a good friend or partner can also keep you accountable and on track.

14. Break big tasks into smaller chunks

Writing a book, essay or report can often feel like an immense task.  If that’s the case, break it down into smaller chunks.  For example, if writing a book, you could decide on the title today, a list of topics tomorrow and then write a few pages or a chapter each day.

15. Don’t beat yourself up

There will be times when you procrastinate or things take longer than expected and you feel frustrated. When this happens, be kind to yourself. Beating yourself up or being overly hard or critical, will make you procrastinate more. You start associating more pain with procrastinating and that makes it worse.

Instead, reset your goals, do some self-reflection to learn from the experience and have another go.

16. Have a Power Hour

Another good way to deal with the effects of procrastination is to identify when you are most productive. Is it first thing in the morning, in the afternoon or evening or maybe late at night. Work out the best time for you and do the hardest tasks during that time.

17. Just do it!

I know this is easier said than done.  However, see if you can ignore the feelings and the mental noise in your head and just do the task.  Even if it’s just for a few minutes, If nothing else works, just do it! It seems so simple, but it can really work.

So there are my 17 tips to help you overcome the effects of procrastination, I encourage you to practice as many of these as possible and notice which ones work best for you. Start to notice yourself getting more done, feeling more productive, happier and more fulfilled as a result.

If you enjoyed reading this article and found it useful, please leave a comment or question below.  I would love to hear what you think!   Please also click on the stars below to rate this post. Also feel free to share this article with other people or on social media.

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Thank you for reading this article.  Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

Have you wondered how to overcome fear of rejection?  Perhaps this fear has been stopping you in your tracks.  Preventing you from making new friends, forming intimate relationships or gaining career advancement.

The fear of rejection is an irrational fear that people won’t accept, approve or like you. It’s the idea that other people won’t like your opinions, looks, personality, values, beliefs or behavior.

In this article, I cover how to overcome fear of rejection in detail.  I’ll share with you 10 specific strategies that will help you let go of your fear of rejection once and for all.

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Many of us develop this fear of rejection in childhood. When you did good things, your parents gave you love and attention. Do something wrong and your parents tell you off or send you to your bedroom. As a result, you associate a bad feeling to your parents telling you off when you do something wrong.

However, this fear of rejection may go back even further to a time when humans lived in tribes. To live and survive, it was necessary to stay within a tribe. If the tribe rejected you, then you would need to fend for yourself and could potentially die of starvation. So, as a result, a fear of rejection has become part of our survival mechanism.

The main areas where people come across a fear of rejection are career, friendships, and intimate relationships.  It happens when you think about other people in a negative way.  This could be thinking that other people believe that you can’t achieve your dreams. Or it could be a feeling that you’re not worthwhile to others. Feelings of low self-esteem and thoughts of not being intelligent, talented or smart enough can also be apparent.

So to help you learn how to overcome fear of rejection,  I’ve come up with 10 specific strategies.  Here they are:

1. Let go of the belief that you will always be rejected

If you believe that whenever you approach someone that they will reject you then it’s much more likely to happen!  You will give off an energy and an unconscious negative signal that will come across in your body language. This will push people away, so they’re more likely to reject you. Unfortunately, when this happens, a belief strengthens in your mind that you will always be rejected, and it becomes a vicious cycle.

So instead, look at the facts.  According to Brendon Burchard, an average of five to seven people will seriously hurt your feelings in your lifetime. Many thousands of other people that you interact with go well or at least okay.  So realize that your chance of getting badly rejected is actually very very small.

2. Reduce the meaning of your rejection

Every famous person, especially musicians, novelists, and artists were rejected many times. It was simply part of their journey to success. A key step in learning how to overcome fear of rejection is to reduce the meaning of rejection and be aware of any all or nothing or black and white thinking. For example, “If I don’t get this job or meet this particular person, then my life is over” is a good example of all or nothing thinking.

To change this type of thinking, broaden the goal. For example,  “You know, it’s not so much about the job, it’s more about going to work and feeling happy, fulfilled and energized, regardless of what the job is”.  By broadening the goal, you make rejection less meaningful.

I also suggest separating any feelings of rejection from your overall sense of self-worth and self-love.  You can do this by eliminating the word rejection from your vocabulary. Brendon Burchard found that people that don’t have an issue with rejection rarely use that word!

3. Know what you want along with reasons and benefits

Knowing what you want is a key step in understanding how to overcome fear of rejection. When you really know what you want, your motivation and desire will be much higher than the pain of the rejection. You will then be much more likely to do it. Ask yourself questions like:

What do I want from this person?

Why is talking to this person important to me?

How will talking to this person benefit me?

Also, ask yourself how much will I suffer if I don’t overcome my fear of rejection? This question is confronting and will create more pain. For some people, this will give them the “kick up the backside” to change.

4. Face your fear of rejection head on

Right now, think about a situation where you have a fear of rejection. Notice the negative thoughts and feelings that come up. Those negative thoughts and feelings are a big part of any fear and prevent you from taking action.

However, when you don’t take action, you reinforce the negative thoughts and strengthen the fear. So instead you want to face the fear and act!  Take action regardless of those negative thoughts and feelings. Take small steps outside of your comfort zone, knowing that you might get rejected, but understanding that this is just a temporary feeling.

It’s much better to be rejected than face a feeling of regret or the fear of missing out. Rejection is temporary and leads to positive change. Lose out on the opportunity and the regret of missing out is permanent.

5. Imagine how you want the situation to go

Visualize how you want the situation with other people to go. In your mind, notice yourself feeling and acting differently. Notice people responding positively to you. See yourself looking calm, in control and relaxed. Imagine seeing yourself on a large TV screen doing all these things in a very positive, self-assured, and calm way. Then jump into the TV screen, and imagine yourself seeing it all through your own eyes.

if you’re wondering how to overcome fear of rejection, then practice visualizing and notice how this replaces this fear with confidence.

6. Explore where your feeling of rejection came from

Earlier in this article, I mentioned that most people are rejected badly five to seven times in their life. You may remember some of these times or not. Here is a wonderful exercise that can help you neutralize unpleasant rejection experiences from the past.

Find a comfortable place, close your eyes and allow your mind to take you back to times when you’ve been rejected in the past, especially when you were younger and smaller. However, as you do this, take the present you with you.

When a rejection situation comes to mind, get a really good sense of what it is, so that you can feel the feelings inside.  Then imagine the present adult you telling that younger you that everything is okay, that you’re fine, you’re parents/teachers etc were having a bad day and it wasn’t really about you. Doing this will help you change your beliefs about these past situations and neutralize the emotions.

7. Remember that the person that rejects you can lose out as well.

You take a risk by asking someone, but the other person also takes a risk by saying “Yes” or “No”. By saying “No” they could be missing out on a wonderful new employee, a loving and caring partner, or an honest new friend. Also, the other person might say “No” because they are having a bad day, or are in a bad mood.

8. Be less of a people pleaser

If you find it hard to say no to other people’s requests, especially when they seem unreasonable, then practice saying no to these requests. This helps you respect your own needs and boosts your self-confidence as well. You will also understand the reasons why other people say “No” to you, because you’re reasons for saying “No” will be similar to other peoples.

9. Focus on the Positive Outcome

A great way of learning how to overcome fear of rejection is to focus on the positive outcome.  Any thoughts of being rejected or failing are no more true than the opposite thoughts of being accepted and successful. However, the positive thoughts will help you feel better inside. When you feel better, you act more confidently and the other person will notice that.

10. Remember that being rejected is not the end of the world

Ask yourself, if I was rejected in this situation, what would be the worst thing that would happen?  Consider the worst case scenario and how you would deal with it.  Answer any “What If” questions and create plans and contingencies to deal with the worst case scenario. Once you do this, the fear will reduce and you can act more successfully

Most people come up with “What If” questions such as “what if I lose my job?” or “what if my boss refuses my request for a pay rise?” but never answer them. Possible answers to the pay rise what if questions could be the following:

  • I can find a way to live with less money.
  • I could get a part time job that will earn me some more money.
  • I can look for a full time job that pays more money.

So these are my 10 ways to help you learn how to overcome fear of rejection quickly and easily.

If you enjoyed reading this article and found it useful, please leave a comment or question below.  I would love to hear what you think!   Please also click on the stars below to rate this post. Also feel free to share this article with other people or on social media.

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Paul

Every thought is an affirmation, especially repetitive thoughts you think often. We are bombarded with negative messages, especially from the media. Positive affirmations can help redress the balance.  To help you do that, I’m going to cover how to write affirmations that are believable and get results.

Affirmations often get a bad wrap and many people think they don’t work. However, once you learn how to write affirmations that work for you, then you’ll really start to notice the benefits.

The key is to know how to write affirmations that your unconscious mind can accept.  This is so important and could be the reason why affirmations may not have worked for you until now.

So in this video blog, I cover 10 ways to write affirmations that are believable and get results.  Some of these ways are very different and may seem new to you.  That’s a good thing as it will give you a fresh approach to using affirmations to enhance all areas of your life.

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1. Make them believable

The first way to learn how to write affirmations effectively is to make them believable to you.  This step is so important and to really hammer it home, I would like you to say the affirmation “I am a millionaire” right now, out loud if possible!

When you say that, what do you notice? What thoughts do you notice? Was there an internal voice, saying something like, “Oh, no, you’re not”  or “No, that’s impossible” or “Don’t be so stupid”?  These are typical thoughts that come from an affirmative statement like this one.  They come from a part of your mind called the critical faculty, which protects you from new ideas that are not believable or don’t make sense.  It blocks these ideas from going into your unconscious or subconscious mind.

Andrew Parr describes the critical faculty is like a bouncer in a nightclub. The bouncer decides who to let into the nightclub and who to keep out.  Turn up with 10 other guys and you probably won’t be let in, as you’re seen as a threat.  A similar logic applies when you bring a new idea or affirmation to your critical faculty.  If the idea is seen as a significant threat to the status quo, then it won’t accept it.   Think of the critical faculty as your “door policy for new ideas”

“I Want” and “I Can” statements

To get past this door policy for new ideas you need to make the affirmation less direct and more believable.  A good way to do this is to use an “I want” statement. Say to yourself right now “I want to be a millionaire.” Say it out loud if you can. What’s that like? Its likely that your critical faculty, your door policy for new ideas, will accept that more. It’s more believable. It might say something like… “Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe I can accept that.”

The “I want” statement provides a stepping stone to changing your belief.  Repeat this affirmation often and take action towards becoming a millionaire. Your belief will grow and then you can take it to the next step which is an “I can” affirmation. For example “I can be a millionaire.” Say that to yourself or out loud now. What’s that like?  Right now, it won’t seen as believable as “I want to be a millionaire”, but that will change with time, action and repetition.

“I am” statements

As time goes on, the affirmation “I am a millionaire” will start to become more believable, especially if you’re seeing your wealth increasing through taking specific actions backed up with the previous “I want” and “I can” affirmations.

Many personal development experts state that affirmations must start with “I am.” That’s fine as long as your critical faculty (the door policy for new ideas) accepts that direct “I am” affirmation. If it doesn’t, the affirmation will not stick or slip into your unconscious mind. Instead, It will be rejected, because it’s not believable.

Making your affirmations believable is a key step in learning how to write affirmations that work for you.

2. Write stepping stone affirmations

The second way to write affirmations that are believable and stick is to use stepping stone affirmations. For example, say this affirmation to yourself (or out loud if you can). “Every day I am making progress to becoming a millionaire.”  What do you notice inside as you say that?  What does your critical faculty think of this affirmation?  It seems more believable.

Here is another example.  “Every day I am becoming one step closer to becoming a millionaire”? Again, this is much more believable. Notice that both affirmations include the phrase “I am”.  This is fine because the affirmation itself is believable. The door policy for new ideas can accept this affirmation.

The classic stepping stone affirmation is, “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better,” by Émile Coué.

3. Be specific

When writing affirmations, make them as specific as you can. The affirmation, “I want to be rich,” is too vague. What does rich mean?  A much more specific affirmation would be “I want to earn $115,000 by the end of 2018”.  This affirmation has a specific amount of money and a specific date.

How about the affirmation, “I want to lose weight?” Again, that’s pretty vague. A much better affirmation could be “I enjoy wearing a size 12 dress.”

What about the affirmation, “I am confident“? Is that specific or vague? Let’s do a little exercise right now to answer this question. I invite you to complete the sentence below.

“Confidence means being able to …”

What comes up for you?  It will probably be different to someone else.  I encourage you to scroll down to the bottom of this article and enter your answer in the comments.  At the same time, notice what other people have entered.  Here are some examples from other people:

“Confidence means being able to….

…do something scary and know it will turn out okay”.

…do your best and be okay with the outcome”.

…just be myself and not rely on the opinions of others.”

…be comfortable with people from many backgrounds”.

…be able to pick up the phone and talk clearly and enthusiastically to 10 new customers a day.”

So you can see that the word “confidence” is actually quite vague.

Now, turn this sentence into an affirmation.  Here are some affirmations based on the above examples:

“I always do my best and I know that it will turn out okay.”

“I always feel that I can do it.”

“Today, I easily pick up the phone and talk clearly and enthusiastically to 10 new customers.”

Notice how much more specific these affirmations are.  Be as specific as you can with your affirmations. When thinking about how to write affirmations, remember that a vague affirmation will give you a vague and uncertain result.

4. Write affirmations in the positive

Your unconscious mind thinks in pictures rather than words and it doesn’t hear the word “No”.

Repeat the affirmation “I no longer eat Kentucky Fried Chicken,” to yourself (or out loud if you can). What does your brain imagine as you say that? If you’re like most people, you’re probably noticing the look, smell and taste of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Although the affirmation is about no longer eating Kentucky Fried Chicken, your brain still has to think about it and imagine it. This is the reason for writing your affirmations in the positive. A better affirmation could be “I only eat food that nourishes my body and makes me feel great.”

When writing affirmations, avoid using the words “no”, “not”, “never”, or can’t”.

5. Write affirmations to support your goals

You want to ensure that your affirmations are aligned with your goals.  The best way to do that is to create a list of goals first and write affirmations that support your goals.
For example, if you have a goal to reduce your weight from 80 kilos to 70 kilos, then affirmations that would support achieving this goal could include:

“I am quickly and easily achieving my ideal weight of 70 kilos.”

“I enjoy and look forward to exercising four times a week.”

“Everyday, I naturally eat food that supports my weight loss goals and I enjoy them too.”

So when considering how to write affirmations for yourself, have your bigger goals in mind and make the affirmations relevant.

6. Write outcome and process affirmations

The affirmation “I want to be a millionaire” is an outcome affirmation, as it’s not completely within your control.  The affirmation “I want to lose 20 kilos” is not completely within your control either.  Yes, there are things you can do to maximize the chances of making these a reality, but they are not completely guaranteed.

Outcome affirmations are about achieving some goal.  Process affirmations are about the steps that you can take to achieve that goal.

Examples of process affirmations that would support the “I want to be a millionaire” outcome affirmation would include:

“I am starting a new business that follows my passion.”

“I’m seeing 20 clients a week and making $2,000.”

“I invest 10% of everything I earn.”

All these affirmations are within your control and also support the higher goal of becoming a millionaire or achieving a certain level of income.

Remember to have a mix of outcome and process affirmations when you consider how to write affirmations that will work best for you.

7. Write words that trigger emotions

Affirmations are far more effective when you can experience the emotion at the same time.

To achieve this, use emotionally charged words in your affirmations. Words like inspired, powerful, happy, grateful, ecstatic, alive, joyful, delighted, loving, beautiful, secure, serene, triumphant, enthusiastic, peaceful, calm, great or wonderful.  For example “I feel wonderful fitting into a size 12 dress.”

When deciding how to write affirmations that inspire you to take action, include a few emotionally charged words.

8. Write affirmations that support a new identity

All beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions come from our sense of identity.  Therefore, the fastest way to make any kind of change is to develop a new sense of identity.  if you’re trying to lose weight, think about the sense of identity that a fitness trainer would have. My guess is that it would be something like, “I am someone that eats to nourish my body and I exercise daily to have the body that I deserve.”

For a fitness trainer, their whole identity is about eating to nourish the body and exercising daily. This will flow down to their beliefs about exercise and food choices.

For a millionaire, their sense of identity might be something like, “I am a person that makes money easily by making good business decisions, by investing wisely, and offering as much value to others as I possibly can.”

So write affirmations that support a new sense of identity.  Imagine being the person you desire and consider how to write affirmations that will help you become that person.

9. Use resources and experiences from the past.

I’m sure you have resources, emotional states or skills from the past or present that can be used as fuel for your future affirmations. For someone that is very successful in their career and has a hard time losing weight, a suitable affirmation could be:

“I use the drive and determination that I have in my career to achieve my ideal weight of 70 kilos.”

This affirmation will help the person to apply their existing resources of drive and determination and use these in a different area of life.  I encourage you to think about things that you’ve done well in the past or present, and then include these in affirmations to help you make changes in the future.

10. Write affirmations to automatically replace negative thoughts and feelings.

So my final tip in learning how to write affirmations that are effective is to have a toolbox of affirmations that you can use to immediately replace repetitive negative thoughts. Here is how to do it.

Start by finding a sheet of A4 paper. On the left, write down all your repetitive negative thoughts and any negative feelings that you regularly notice.  Now on the right side, I want you to write an affirmation that is the opposite of that.  Here are some examples.

If you find that you’re often judging people, your new affirmation might be “I accept everyone just the way they are”.  As soon as you notice yourself judging someone, you immediately replace this thought with the new affirmation.

If you often notice pain in the body (and you’ve already had it checked out medically), then you could immediately use the affirmation “Every cell of my body vibrates with energy and health.”

When you feel stuck, immediately replace that thought with “If I’m committed, there is always a way.”

When you find you’re focusing on things that you don’t have in your life or things that are not working, immediately replace that thought with “The more I focus on what I do want, the faster I will get it.”

The most important thing is to write the affirmations in advance but only use them when the need arises, when that repetitive negative thought or feeling comes up.

Next steps

Be creative about what you write affirmations about. Create affirmations for thinking patterns you want to change, life experiences you want to improve, experiences you want to have, feelings you want to enjoy, and how you would like your life to be like.

So these are my 10 ways to write affirmations that are both believable and get results. I encourage you to try them out and let me know how you get on.   Now you know exactly how to write affirmations that are specific, work for you, are aligned with your goals and will inspire you to act.

If you enjoyed reading this article and found it useful, please leave a comment or question below.  I would especially love to hear your answer to the “Confidence means being able to….” in the comments below.

Please also click on the stars below to rate this post. Also feel free to share this article with other people or on social media.

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Thank you for reading this article.  Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

Suppressing, repressing and expressing feelings and emotions are great options in some situations.  However, at times, you can get stuck in an emotional dead-end.  When this happens, it’s important to know how to release emotions quickly, easily and effectively.  Getting rid of emotional baggage is a skill that you can get better at.  The Sedona Method questions are one of the most simple and effective ways to release emotions so that you feel more in control, centered and alive.

In this article, I will explain how to release emotions using the Sedona Method questions, so that you can start doing this today and reap the benefits. If you have ever wondered how to release emotions effectively, then you’ll find the Sedona Method questions to be a simple approach that works really well.

Most of the information for this article comes from the Sedona Method book by Hale Dwoskins.  This book covers the Sedona Method questions and the whole releasing process in incredible detail and is well worth a read.

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Suppressing and Expressing

We can either suppress emotions by holding them inside or express them by acting them out.  Both are useful and not useful.  It depends on the situation.

If you’re in a meeting with your boss, clients or other colleagues, and someone says something that makes you really angry, expressing your anger in this meeting could get you into trouble.  Its far better to suppress the anger, so that you don’t say or do something you regret later.

However, in an intimate relationship, its much better to express love and affection fully, openly and completely rather than hold it inside.  Suppressing these emotions could leave your partner confused or doubting how much you love them.

So suppressing and expressing feelings and emotions can be useful in the short term.  However, if you’re continually suppressing or expressing the same feeling for a long time, then this can get you into trouble.

Continually suppressing feelings, especially guilt, anger or resentment is bad for your body and can lead to health problems.  Your brain will unconsciously express these feelings, but you continually hold them in.  Rather than face the feelings, you might use alcohol, food or long hours in the office as methods to hide these feelings.

Continual expressing of feelings creates problems for other people and affects you as well.  If you’re always acting out your anger, then it starts to become a habit, then part of your identity.  You become an angry person. Being a person that is regularly angry will affect your relationships with other people, especially your partner and family. People won’t hang around with you as much and will avoid you.

Releasing

So if long-term suppression and expression of feelings creates problems, then what is the alternative?  It’s releasing.  It’s the middle ground that people rarely think about. However, it is something we naturally do.

You release emotions when you laugh or when you get that sense of relief after finding your keys or wallet that you thought you’d lost.  But how do you release emotions consciously?  This is where the Sedona Method comes in.

In another article, I described the nine fundamental emotional states and introduced the Sedona Method book by Hale Dwoskin.

The Sedona Method questioning technique is a really simple process to help you release or let go of emotions. It’s so simple that it’s easy to dismiss.  However, it really works, especially when done regularly.  If you’re wondering how to release emotions, then keep reading.

The 5 Sedona Method Questions

The Sedona Method releasing process consists of 5 Sedona Method questions.  Learning how to release emotions effectively involves understanding these 5 key questions.

1: What am I feeling right now?

The first step is to focus on an issue or problem in your life. As you think about it, notice the feelings and emotions that come to the surface.  The feelings don’t need to be strong or intense. A numb, flat or blank feeling works just as well. Once you have a good sense of the issue and feeling, ask yourself “What am I feeling right now? Notice what comes up for you.

2: Can I fully experience this feeling right now?

The next step in learning how to release emotions effectively is to ask yourself, “Can I fully experience this feeling right now? You will either get a “Yes” or a “No” answer. Let this answer come intuitively. Don’t try to push it or analyze it.

If you get a “Yes” answer, then fully experience the feeling as well as any sensations, sounds, thoughts, and pictures that arise with this feeling. Experience this feeling fully in the here and now as best as you can.

This is important because most of our thoughts, pictures, and stories are geared towards the past or the future. We are rarely in the present. So step 2 is to really experience this feeling in the present right now. The only time you can release and change your feelings (or anything else in your life) is in the here and now. So experience this as best as you can right now.

If the answer is “No”, to this Sedona Method question, then notice the feeling that comes up with your “No” answer. It’s likely to be some kind of resistance. Notice what the feeling is and then go back to step 1 with this new feeling.

3: Can I let it go?

The third Sedona Method question is to ask “Can I let it go? Can I let this feeling go, or even the whole issue? Can I just let the whole thing go from my life?” This question is asking, “Is it possible to do this?

“Yes” and “No” are both acceptable answers. You will often find that you release and let go even when you answer “No”. Answer this question with the minimum of thought. Don’t try and second guess or get into an internal debate about the merits or consequences.

In the Sedona Method book, Hale Dwoskins states that these questions are deliberately simple. They are not necessarily important in themselves but are designed to help you into the experience of letting go. To let go and stop holding on.  Gaining an experience of how to release emotions is the most important thing.

If you get a “Yes” answer to this Sedona Method question, move to step 4.

If you get a “No” answer, notice the feeling that comes with that.  Again, it will be some kind of resistance or holding-on feeling. Get a good sense of that feeling, then go back to step one and work through the questions again with this new feeling.

4: Am I willing to let it go?

The fourth step in learning how to release emotions using the Sedona Method questions is to ask yourself, “Am I willing to let it go?

Again, avoid any kind of debate. You’re doing this to gain your own sense of freedom and clarity. It doesn’t matter if the issue or feeling is justified, long-standing, or even right.

If you answer “Yes” to this Sedona Method question, move to step 5.

If you answer “No” or are unsure, ask yourself this question.  “Would I rather have this feeling or would I rather be free?”  If you get a “Yes” answer, move to step 5.

If you get a “No” answer, then notice what comes up for you. Again, its likely to be some kind of resistance feeling. Notice what it is and then go back to step one using this new feeling.

5: When?

The fifth and final step in the Sedona Method question process is to ask yourself the very simple question “When?”

This question is an invitation to release or let go right now. You might find yourself letting go as soon as you consider or answer this question. However, more often than not, letting go or releasing is a decision. It’s a decision you can make at any time. This question encourages you to make the decision to let go right now.  A key part of knowing how to release emotions is making the decision to do it.

If the answer is “Not Now” or sometime in the future, then notice what comes up and go back to step one using this new feeling. It may be a feeling of hesitation or resistance.

If the answer is “Now”, you will typically start releasing immediately.

Releasing Tips and Techniques

Answering the “When?” question will often kick-start the releasing process.  However, there are things you can do that make the releasing experience more effective and magical.  They work really well with the Sedona Method questions and really enhance the releasing process.

The first method is to release or let go as you breathe out.  Practice breathing out the emotion with a full, slow and controlled out breath.  It will feel like a sigh of relief.

The next one is to visualize a knot, and then see the knot unraveling as you let go.

Another option is to imagine gripping the feeling in your hand.  As you release, see your hand opening and notice that feeling leaving as you do that.  If you prefer, you can actually grip your hand and then open it as you release and let go.

Another method is to hold a small object in your hand like a pen. Then as you let go, open your hand and let the pen or item drop to the floor.

The last way is to put your hands on your stomach or solar plexus.  As you let go, tilt your hands up and out. This creates an imaginary space for the feelings to leave your body.

Practice these and notice how they enhance your experience of how to release emotions using the Sedona Method questions.

What next?

I encourage you to apply the Sedona Method questions to your life on a regular basis. The more you practice the Sedona questions, the better you will get at it.  Use my video to guide you through the process.

The results may be quite subtle to start with, but with practice, the results will become more and more noticeable. The wonderful thing about the Sedona Method is that once you release something, that feeling has changed for good, it’s a permanent change.

Use it consistently, and you’ll start to feel lighter and more centered. You will start to experience the higher level emotions of courageousness, acceptance, and peace more often.

I also recommend getting hold of the Sedona Method book,  It’s available on Amazon, The book is incredibly detailed and very practical as well, with lots of exercises.

If you enjoyed reading this article and found it useful, please leave a comment or question below.  I would love to hear what you think!   Please also click on the stars below to rate this post. Also feel free to share this article with other people or on social media.

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Paul

Emotional states are a key driver for action and provide the fuel for success. I’m sure you’ve had days when you felt really good, achieved so much and were on top of the world! Days when it seemed so easy to get things done.

Then on other days, you felt flat, frustrated, confused or lacking in energy. Your mind is busy but with many conflicting thoughts. You just can’t seem to get anything done.

So how do you change these emotional states?  Well, the first step is knowing what they are, so you can pinpoint which one you are in right now.

In the Sedona Method book by Hale Dwoskin, he identifies the 9 key emotional states. These emotional states are on a gradient scale of energy to action. The lowest state has the smallest amount of energy and external action whilst the highest has unlimited energy, mental clarity and if required, massive external action.

During each day, you will experience several of these emotional states. This article will help you identify the emotional state you’re in right now.  That might be enough in itself to change your state.  If not, then I cover how to release unwanted emotions using the Sedona questioning technique here.

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So here are the 9 fundamental emotional states from lowest to highest.

1. Apathy

When you experience apathy, you feel that desire is dead and you wonder what’s the point. You feel like you can’t do anything and that no one else can help and that there is no way out.

You may withdraw from life and play weak because you are afraid of getting hurt. The mind and imagination are very busy but limiting. You see failure and what you can’t do.  You have many conflicting thoughts that leave you with little energy to act.

Words that describe apathy include feeling bored, hopeless, powerless, indecisive, lazy, stuck or overwhelmed.  If you maintain this state for a long time, this can lead to symptoms of depression.

2. Grief

With grief, like apathy, you feel that you can’t get out of a situation yourself, but you could with someone else’s help. Or you could be grieving for someone or something that you’ve lost in the past or something in the future that you don’t have now.  It’s a yearning for someone else to help and fix the problem for you.

There is a little more energy and your mind is slightly less cluttered, but still very noisy with thoughts and images of pain and loss.

Words that describe grief include feeling abandoned, guilty, betrayed, vulnerable, nostalgic (about good times in the past), rejected, cheated, hurt, or sad.

3. Fear

When feeling fear, you want to act, strike out or reach out, but you don’t because you feel the risk is too great or that you’ll get hurt.

Your body has more energy and feelings can change rapidly from positive to negative. Your mind is busy and focuses on getting hurt, losing out, and how to protect yourself and loved ones.

Words that describe fear include feeling anxious, scared, skeptical, nervous, terrified, vulnerable, worried, or cautious.

4. Lust

Lust is about wanting possession or wanting something. It’s a hunger for money, power, sex, people, places, and things, but the hunger comes with hesitation. There are underlying thoughts and beliefs that say we cannot or should not have what we are desiring.

There is more energy and the sensations can be pleasurable and intense as the mind creates positive fantasies. However, these fantasies are about what we don’t have yet. They are in the future. Thoughts are about what we need to get. You’re never completely satisfied and tend not to enjoy what you already have.

Words that describe lust include anticipation, craving, impatience, obsessed, compulsive, envy or pushy.

5. Anger

Anger is where you have a desire to hurt and stop others, but it comes with hesitation. You may or may not act on the anger.

There is more energy and it’s quite intense and explosive. Your mind is less cluttered. However, it’s noisy, stubborn and obsessive. You may have thoughts of getting even or making others pay. The energy you get from this anger feeling can be quite frightening for yourself and possibly lead you back to the previous emotional states described earlier in this article.  The actions you take are mostly destructive to you and to those around you.

Words that describe anger include aggressive, annoyed, furious, hate, outrage, resentment, jealousy, and impatience.

6. Pride

Pride is about maintaining the status quo. You don’t want to change, so instead, you try and stop others so that they don’t get ahead of you. The mind is very rigid and self-involved with thoughts and images about what we already have and know. When you’re with others, it’s about others noticing how great you are, because inside, you’re trying to hide your own shortcomings.

Over time, you start to ignore your own shortcomings and as a result, you’re not open to receiving help and support from others, because you don’t believe you have any shortcomings!

Words and phrases that describe pride include narrow-minded, arrogant, patronizing, clever, judgmental, being a know-it-all, critical, overbearing, and complacent.

As you can see, the six emotional states covered so far are negative or limiting. They form a crust over the next three more positive emotional states.  One way to access the next 3 positive or empowering emotional states is to release or let go of these limiting emotional states.  I cover how to do this using the Sedona Method here.

The last 6 emotional states were about what you can’t do.  The next 3 are about what you can do.  Here they are:

7. Courageousness

Courageousness is having a willingness to act without hesitation. It’s the feeling that you can do whatever needs doing, It’s being able to let go (when you need to), and move on. You are flexible, resilient, and open. Thoughts and images are about what you can do and what you can learn. You also think much more about how to help others. As a result, you’re self-motivated, self-reliant, and okay with other people succeeding. Making mistakes is cool (you might laugh at them) and life is fun.

Your body continues to gain energy and it’s available to take positive action. Energy levels are high and clear.

Words that describe courageousness include resilience, visionary, decisive, certainty, enthusiastic, motivated, competent, and confident.

8. Acceptance

Acceptance is having and enjoying everything as it is. There is no need to change anything.  Life is okay just as it is.

Your body has a lot more energy, and that energy is mainly at rest, available if required. The mind is mostly quiet and content. Images and thoughts are of love, joy and an acceptance of what is.

Words that describe acceptance include abundance, beauty, delight, belonging, enrichment, fullness, harmony, and joy.

9. Peace

The final and highest emotional state is peace. When you experience peace, you feel whole and complete. Everyone and everything is part of you. Everything is perfect.

You have a lot more energy than in acceptance, but that energy is totally at rest. The energy is totally still, quiet and calm. Your mind is clear, empty, yet totally aware. There is no need for any pictures or thoughts. Life is as is and all is well. The mind is not planning the future or worrying about the past. It’s just resting in the now. It’s a state of being rather than doing. You experience life as a human being rather than a human doing!

Words and phrases that describe peace include wholeness, awareness, oneness, perfection, pure, completeness, serenity, feeling free and fulfilled.

In closing, I wonder which of these 9 emotional states resonated with you the most?   Which emotional state were you experiencing as you read this article right now?  As you go through your day, I invite you to notice which emotional states you experience.

In closing

To learn how to release or let go of the lower emotional states when they occur, so you can experience greater courageousness, acceptance, and peace, click the link below.  This will take you to another video blog article that covers this in detail.

How to release emotions using the Sedona Method questions.

The information about the 9 emotional states came from The Sedona Method book by Hale Dwoskins.  It’s available on Amazon and I highly recommend getting a copy if you’re interested in further understanding and changing your emotional states.  Click the link below to check it out.

The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskins

If you really want to go deep with this, then visit the official Sedona Method website here.

If you enjoyed reading this article and found it useful, please leave a comment or question below.  I would love to hear what you think!   Please also click on the stars below to rate this post or share it with a friend or on social media.

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Paul

We have many universal human needs.  The most basic are physical such as food, water, and shelter.  Once we have these, we strive to meet our mental and emotional human needs.  These are the universal human needs that I will focus on in this article.

When these fundamental human needs are met, we feel happy and fulfilled. Our health and wellbeing can improve massively as a result.

When one or more of these universal human needs are not met, you’ll feel bad or engage in addictive behaviors that allow these needs to be met in other ways.

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These universal human needs come from the Human Givens Model. This is a method of psychotherapy that was developed in the U.K.  Here they are:

1. Safety and Security

We all want to live in an environment that is free from excessive fear. When our environment feels insecure, unpredictable, or dangerous, our mental health can suffer.

Safety and security fall into three areas. Firstly financial security.  This is feeling confident that we’re not going to lose our job, or lose our house. Secondly health. Feeling confident that our body will look after us for years to come. Thirdly physical safety. Living in an area where you feel reasonably safe walking the streets, or living with a partner that looks after you and won’t harm you.

2. Autonomy and Control

Life can be unpredictable and uncertain. However, deep down we need a sense of control and autonomy. When adversity strikes, some people rebound more quickly than others, because they have developed a good sense of internal control.

Internal control is about controlling your emotions, being assertive in relationships and making & acting on decisions. It’s also about knowing what you can directly control and what you can only influence.

If you struggle with internal control, then relax when the unexpected happens.  This will give you a new perspective.  If things outside of your control are making you feel anxious, then focus on other parts of your life that are going well and are more within your control.

3. Status

The third universal human need is status. This is about feeling accepted and valued in different social groups such as work, family or friends.
If you are unable to get this feeling of status from normal day to day activities, consider volunteering or leading something in the community that will make a difference and feels important to you.

4. Privacy

Privacy is having the time and space to reflect on life’s experiences. It’s time alone, “me time”, time to reflect on how things are going in your life. Time to consolidate your thoughts, and decide on the next step.

5. Attention

This is receiving attention from others and giving attention to others. Too much time alone can affect your mental and emotional state. The amount of attention varies among people.  More extrovert people are likely to crave attention more, but we all need this at some level.

Meet the fundamental human need for attention by spending time with family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances or even pets. Catch up with old friends, or make new friends. I highly recommend Meetup.com for finding friends with common interests. Use the phone or Skype to interact with people that live a long way from you.

6. Connection to a wider community

The sixth universal human need is all about connecting with a larger group of people and feeling a sense of being part of that group. This takes the focus off yourself and your own issues. It allows you to do something that goes beyond meeting your own needs and involves helping to meet the needs of others.  It’s also a great way to get out of your own head.

This sense of connection benefits your immune system, your mental health, and level of happiness and fulfillment. Consider joining a club to meet some like-minded people. Meetup.com is great for this as well.

Think about what you’re really good at and share that with other people or teach them how to do it.  We all have some skill or knowledge that we can share with others.

7. Intimacy

The seventh universal human need is intimacy. Intimacy (as defined by Human Givens) is an emotional connection with others. This includes friendship, love, intimacy, and fun. It’s the ability to share your ideas, hopes, and dreams with at least one other person. Typically this would be with a loving partner, but it could be with a close friend. As long as its someone that values who you are, understands you, and is willing to listen.

If you’re in a relationship, have a date night. Use this time to talk about your future, about where you’re going and your passions. Avoid talking about practical day to day issues such as money, work or the kids.

8. Look after your body

The eighth fundamental human need for a balanced life is looking after your body. Maybe you know this person. They thrive (apparently) on four or five hours sleep. They’re always first in the office. They skip lunch, believing that lunch is for wimps. They skip the gym because they’re too busy. If they feel tired, they grab a coffee. This lifestyle is not sustainable in the long term. Keep doing it and this will lead to psychological problems and stress-related illness.

It’s important to make time to look after your body. This includes getting enough good quality sleep, resting and relaxing, doing some exercise, eating healthily and visiting the doctor to get regular health checks done.

9. Competence and achievement

The ninth universal human need is having a sense of your own competence and your ability to achieve things. It’s having what it takes to meet life’s demands, feeling confident and that you’re making progress in life and achieving things.

If you have nothing to achieve or aim for, then learn a new skill. You could go to an evening class or learn online. Look back at what you enjoyed in the past. What hobbies did you have in the past that you don’t have time for now? Maybe you could start this hobby again and use that to help you meet this fundamental human need.

I also recommend setting goals in all areas of life, I start with yearly goals, then create monthly and weekly goals as stepping stones to meet my annual goals. By setting goals, you enjoy the satisfaction of watching your progress towards these goals.

10. Purpose and Meaning

The final fundamental human need is having a strong sense that your future plans are worthwhile and that you can achieve them. It’s about having beliefs and values that you stand by. Principles that guide your life.

Having a clear sense of purpose, direction and meaning will help your imagination work for you. You start to picture yourself doing things really well, thriving in new situations and becoming a different person.

People that lack a purpose or meaning in their life, often feel worthless, as if life has no meaning.  They don’t see a reason for their existence. It feels like something’s missing and they feel bored or empty. As the imagination has no positive direction, it starts to focus on what’s not working and begins to fear and imagine the worst. So your imagination needs to go where you are going.

If you need more help with fulfilling this universal human need, then I suggest taking some time out to evaluate what you want to achieve in your life. Once decided, create a plan of action to do that.

Don’t spend months or years trying to figure out what your purpose or meaning in life is. There could be several that fit you equally well. Also, your purpose and meaning in life could well change over time. Go with what makes sense to you for now. What gives you the passion and excitement right now?

Next steps

So these are the 10 universal human needs that bring lasting happiness and fulfillment.  Identify the human needs that are lacking and take some steps now to better meet these human needs. You’ll be glad you did!

Also, check out the two articles below which I used as a basis for this blog post.

Wikipedia article

Uncommon Knowledge article

Hope you enjoyed reading this article and learning about the 10 universal human needs. Please leave a comment or question below.  I would love to hear what you think!   Please also click on the stars below to rate this post or share it with a friend or on social media.

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Paul

Why do people fail to achieve their dreams?  If you’re reading this article, you probably have some goals and dreams that you want to achieve.  So, I’m going to cover the top 14 reasons why people fail to achieve their dreams.  Be on the lookout for these, so that they don’t stop you from achieving your goals and dreams.

Tony Robbins says that 80% of your success is down to your psychology and mindset. Only 20% is down to the actual action that you take.  Think about your specific goals.  Perhaps you want to lose weight, become fit, improve a sport, develop a business or improve your career.  Whatever it is, 80% of your success in achieving these goals is down to your mindset, your beliefs and your sense of identity as a successful person that can make it happen.

Sometimes, you need to know what you’re doing wrong in order to correct it. To help you, I’m going to identify the top 14 reasons why people fail to achieve their dreams.

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1. Not willing to do the work

The first reason why people fail to achieve their dreams is that they don’t want to put in the work required. Doing the work to be successful is non-negotiable. It’s true that some people are more gifted, so can achieve the same goal as you with less effort. However, anyone that achieved lasting success has put in a great deal of effort.

Success can be a lonely road as you work hard often by yourself.  Remember that you will be rewarded in public for the thousands of hours that you practice in private. Think about virtuoso musicians or Olympic athletes.  How many thousands of hours have they spent practicing and training to master their craft?

If doing the work is challenging for you, then I believe it comes down to not having a clear enough ‘why’. You need to be desperate to change or inspired to change. Both are okay. Sometimes focusing on what you don’t want and the pain of that will give you the motivation to change. This will help you overcome laziness or procrastination. Create a vision, a why that really motivates you and gives you the fuel to put in the effort required.

2. Having a Negative Attitude

Do you continually focus on what’s not working for you, what’s going wrong or what you don’t want?  If you do, then however hard you look, you’re probably going to find the things that are not working.   The good news is that when you focus on what you want, you will start to notice what is working.

No experience is good or bad, it’s just the meaning you give it. The only meaning anything has is the meaning that you give it. How powerful is that?

When a life situation or event makes you feel disappointed, frustrated or angry, just remember that you can change the meaning that you give to that life situation or event.

If you are the type of person that is often a little negative, don’t worry, this is something you can work on. This is where affirmations and visualizations can really help. You can become more positive.  You may just need to work a little harder on developing a positive attitude.

This is an important reason why people fail to achieve their dreams, so taking the time to develop a positive attitude and mindset is vital.

3. Lack of Compelling Reasons

You’ve got to have a compelling ‘why’ and strong reasons for achieving your goal or dream.  They have to be your reasons.  They can’t be your parents, partner or a friend’s reasons.

As mentioned earlier, these reasons can be positive or negative. In the case of starting a business, a positive reason could be “I want to be my own boss”.  A negative reason could be “I no longer want to answer to a boss”. The key here is to find reasons that motivate you to take action.

Start by writing out at least 20 reasons why it’s a must for you to achieve this goal or dream. Then focus on these reasons every day for a couple of minutes. Notice how you feel after doing this.

4. Lack of Belief, Confidence, and Certainty

This could be a lack of belief, confidence, and certainty in yourself, or in the process to achieve your goal. Imagine you are following a series of steps to build muscle or lose weight.  If you believe that the steps are going to work, you’ll be more likely to take action, which greatly increases your chances of hitting the goal.  If you don’t believe that the diet or exercise program is going to work, then you are unlikely to take sufficient action to reach your goal.  It’s like you’ve got one foot in and one foot out.

Instead, you need to have faith. Faith is believing in something when there is no reason to believe it. It’s about having faith in the process and faith in yourself. Reading stories of other people that have achieved the success you are after is a great way to develop greater faith.

Find positive role models in your life. People that are more successful than you. Learn from them and get inspired by their achievements.

5. Lack of Patience

A lack of patience normally occurs when you focus too much on getting a fast immediate change, rather than a long-term sustainable change.  The truth is that successful people don’t become successful overnight. There are lots of courses and products offering immediate changes and these may work for a few people. However, if you read about the most successful people in the world, they will tell you that it took many years to get to where they are now.

The most successful people focus on what they want to become, as well as the external tangible things that signify success to them.

6. No Goals or Clear Outcomes

Imagine a pilot with a vague idea of where he was going. It wouldn’t be a great experience. You wouldn’t feel confident that you would reach your destination.  The same goes with goals. It’s essential to have SMART goals, Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Time-related. I also recommend a mixture of process and outcome goals.

A process goal is completely within your control. Examples include going to the gym three times a week or spending 10 hours a week studying towards your exams.

An outcome goal is not completely within your control.  Examples include I want to lose 3 kilos this month, or I’m going to get 3 new clients this week.

It’s important that you set outcome goals, as these will be more motivating and meaningful than process goals.  Then set process goals to give you the steps to maximize your chances of achieving these outcome goals.

7. Crazy or Unrealistic Expectations

A sure-fire way why people fail to achieve their dreams is by having crazy or unrealistic expectations of success. Ones that are not backed up with a plan.  Whilst it’s good to stretch yourself when setting goals, it’s important to be realistic as well.

The place for crazy, audacious goals is five or more years in the future.  These goals get you excited and become part of your vision.  However, you want to back up this vision with SMART goals that will feel good when achieved.

8. Don’t Invest in Training or Continuous Learning

It’s wonderful to make use of free resources, such as this article and video. Think of each free resource as a single piece of the puzzle.  Investing in courses, coaches or mentors will give you the step by step process to solve the puzzle. All the pieces are in a logical order so that you can solve the puzzle quickly.  You know that all the pieces are there.  Nothing is missing.

If you want a step by step process to lose weight, start a business, get better at a sport or something else, then invest in training from people that have already achieved the goal that you desire. You also learn from their mistakes, so you’re not reinventing the wheel. Your time is valuable, and it’s worth investing some money to save you time further down the road.

My initial training provided me with a qualification to become a clinical hypnotherapist.  However, when I started seeing clients, I soon realized that I needed to continue my training and have since invested in several courses to improve my knowledge and skills.

Don’t be one of those people that fail to achieve their dreams by not investing in training and continuous learning.

9. Don’t listen to advice from successful people

Some people fail to achieve their dreams because they have too strong an ego. They’re too proud and believe they know it all. Its a false sense of confidence. If you relate to this, then I encourage you to go from becoming a know it all to a learn it all.  Avoid saying, “I know that.” This statement closes your mind to any new ideas. Be willing to listen and learn from others, to take on their ideas, especially if these people are where you want to be.

10. Hang out with the wrong people.

It can be hard to achieve a specific goal or dream if you don’t hang around with people that already have what you want. If you want to be in great shape and have a wonderful body, then hang around with bodybuilders and fitness experts. If you want to be healthy, then spend time with healthy people.

It’s still good to spend time with family and friends.  However, find a way to mingle with people that can help you achieve your goals as well.

11. Shiny Object Syndrome

This is someone that excitedly buys a new program or a new course, thinking that it will be the answer to all their problems. They’re halfway through this program when something else comes along that they also believe will solve all their problems.  They buy this program and then something else comes along. Can you relate to this?

A few courses later, you have all this information, but nothing to show for it.  It’s easy to get into information overload and a feeling of overwhelm as you try to figure out which bit of information to apply first.  This is a common reason why people fail to achieve their dreams.

Resist shiny object syndrome. Instead stick to one or two programs that will really help you, one or two coaches or mentors. Play full out with these programs, coaches or mentors. Take them as far as you can and only move to something else when you have already mastered what you are learning right now.

12. Can’t deal with Failure or Adversity

Most successful people fail their way to success. Anyone that has been massively successful has failed, experienced setbacks, faced adversity and had many challenges along the way. It’s all part of the process. The biggest decisions in my life happened when things were going badly. You rarely make life-changing decisions when things are going well. It just doesn’t work that way!

Understand that failure is to be expected and that it is a good thing.  Failure is simply feedback. View failures as opportunities to learn.

I also recommend that you don’t focus on something that failed for any longer than you need to. It should be just enough to learn from it.

13. Fear of Rejection

Fear of Rejection is a crucial reason why people fail to achieve their dreams. This usually comes from caring too much about what other people think. There will always be people that will doubt you, be overly negative or try to hold you back. You’ll also find people that just don’t like you.

Unfortunately, this does not go away as you become more successful. It actually gets worse!  The more successful you become, the more people will know about you, admire you and some of them will not like you.

There will always be some people that will try to bring you down because it makes them feel good. Knowing this really helps you deal with these people in a more positive and resourceful way.

Also when you notice someone trying to bring you down, ask yourself if they have the life that you want? If the answer is no, then don’t worry about them. You dictate who you are and no one else.

14. They Give Up

The final reason why people fail to achieve their dreams is that they give up. Reasons for giving up include its too much work, takes too much time, I don’t think I can do this or it’s not worth the effort.

The problem is that when you give up, there will be a part of you that never quite feels satisfied and fulfilled. You’ve had a glimpse of a better life.  You’ll ask yourself questions such as “What if I had stuck it out?” If someone else in your life does stick it out and gets the results that you wanted, how will you feel then?

If things are going badly or you’re in a plateau, then a change of direction can be useful. It’s important to be flexible, whilst never giving up on your goal and dream.

So these are the 14 reasons why people fail to achieve their dreams.  If you enjoyed reading this article and found it useful, please leave a comment or question below.  I would love to hear what you think!   Please also click on the stars below to rate this post or share it with a friend or on social media.

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Paul

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There are so many benefits of gratitude.  It’s wonderful for your body, mind, and spirit.  In this article, I’m going to cover the benefits of gratitude in detail.  This will give you the motivation to start becoming more grateful for what is already working in your life.

Practising gratitude is also a wonderful way to improve how you feel instantly.  To feel happier and more fulfilled.  It’s fun to do and I cover 4 very easy and effective ways to incorporate the practice of gratitude into your life.

To make the most of the benefits of gratitude, I recommend that you practice being grateful for a few minutes every day.

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What are the Benefits of Gratitude?

Gratitude makes you feel good and this improves your mental and physical health. Have you noticed that when you achieve or gain something (for example a new car), you feel excited, happy and grateful, but the feeling doesn’t last. It soon becomes a normal experience.

When you focus all your attention on achieving more, this creates a habit or pattern of taking things for granted, because you’re focusing on what you don’t have.

Achieving is a good thing, but you want to do it in a way that makes you feel happy and fulfilled at the same time.  Why do you want to achieve something in the first place? – My guess is that it’s probably to experience some kind of emotion such as happiness, fulfillment or satisfaction.  However, you can have these emotions now without having those things.

I’ve also found that if you focus too much on wanting to achieve something, this gives an energetic message to the universe that says “I want that”.  However, the feeling of wanting is different from having.  Wanting something means that you don’t have it yet and that is a different feeling that the universe picks up on.

By practicing gratitude, you focus on what you already have.  This sends the message of “having” to the universe.

So let’s look at some of the benefits of practicing gratitude.

1. Improves Physical Health

People that practice gratitude daily have fewer aches and pains. They look after themselves better and exercise more often. They have lower blood pressure, live longer and have more energy.

2. Improves Sleep

Practicing gratitude regularly helps you sleep better by sleeping for longer and getting deeper, restorative sleep. When you worry about things before you go to sleep, the level of stress in your body increases and that reduces your sleep quality.

If you practice gratitude instead by focussing on what you already have and what’s going well in your life, then this initiates the relaxation response. Your body can then relax and you’ll sleep much better.

Before you go to sleep tonight, I invite you to do the following:

  • Think about three things that went well today.
  • Think about three things that I’m grateful for.

3. Reduces Stress

As mentioned above, being grateful induces the relaxation response. This then lowers the level of cortisol (the stress hormone) in your body.  Lower levels of cortisol mean you feel more relaxed.

4. Improves your Mental Health

One of the other benefits of gratitude is a lower chance of becoming depressed or developing other mental illnesses.  Think of being grateful as fitness for the mind.

5. Enhanced Self Esteem

Being grateful improves your levels of self esteem. You have less resentment towards other people that appear to be doing better than you.  Instead, you appreciate their accomplishments. You’re less likely to compare yourself with other people and have greater satisfaction in your life as well.

6. More Resilience

Practising gratitude improves your resilience and mental strength. A study measuring post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in Vietnam War veterans found that people that were more grateful during the war and afterwards generally had fewer symptoms of PTSD. A study undertaken after the 9/11 attacks found that people that were more grateful of what they had before the attacks seemed to deal better in the aftermath of the attacks.

7. Changes Memories

Practising gratitude helps you to change past memories. Your memories are not set in stone. They’re not like files in a computer where the information stored never changes. Memories can and do change over time. You may remember things as better or worse than they really were. The people in that memory may have been kinder or crueller. Gratitude increases the chances of remembering those things in a more positive way. It can also help you gain closure from upsetting memories.

8. Improves your Emotional Wellbeing

Being grateful helps reduce many negative emotions such as frustration, anger, regret, envy, aggression, revenge and resentment. It also helps increase your level of happiness. Practising gratitude makes you feel good, which in itself is a great reason to practise it.

9. Better Relationships and Social Life

One of the other benefits of gratitude is improved relationships and social life.  When you feel grateful, people will like you more, you will come across as more trusting. You will be more social and appreciative. You will have more friends, deeper friendships and a better relationship with your partner as well.

10.  More Career or Business Success

When you feel good about yourself and grateful for what you already have, you will be more productive and make better decisions. You will be more positive, solution focussed and find it easier to get results through other people.

11. Better Manifesting

Practising gratitude helps you to focus on the positive (the things you already have), rather than the negative (what you don’t have). When manifesting, it’s so important to focus on what you do want. A great way to do this is to focus on what you want AND what you already have. This helps you get the feeling of having what you want NOW.

How to practice gratitude on a daily basis

Hopefully, you’re now sold on the benefits of gratitude, so I’ll now cover a few quick ways to do this.

Gratitude Journal

A gratitude journal is simply writing down the things that you are grateful for. Things you might include could be your body, physical & mental health, family & friends or books & resources that you’ve benefited from. It could also be happy memories from the past or even small things like your heart beating consistently every day, or having running water and electricity.

Gratitude Questions

Ask yourself the following questions

  • What am I grateful for in my life?
  • What am I proud of in my life?
  • What do I love about my life?
  • What made today great?
  • What was good about today?

Notice what comes up when you ask these questions.  Gratitude questions are powerful because it focuses your mind on answering the question and this will lead to more things that you are grateful for.

Gratitude Bucket List

You probably already have a bucket list for holiday destinations, experiences and people you would like to meet. What about having a gratitude bucket list? Think of all those things that you have already achieved, the places you’ve already visited, the people that you’ve already met, Create a gratitude bucket list of all the things you’ve already achieved.

Showing Appreciation to Others

What can you do that will brighten up someone else’s day?  How could you show gratitude or appreciation for something that someone else has done? You can show your gratitude and appreciation face to face, via text message, email or on social media.

As you can see, there are lots of great benefits of gratitude. I hope this convinces you that it’s worth practicing being grateful on a daily basis. Best time is first thing in the morning when you get up and just before going to bed.

However, practicing being grateful throughout the day is great as well. It will make you feel better about yourself and happier too. It will balance your life as you’ll be focusing on things you already have, as well as focusing on the things you want.

If you enjoyed reading this article, please leave a comment or question below.  I would love to hear what you think!   Please also click on the stars below to rate this post or share it with a friend or on social media.

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Paul

 

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There are so many practical ways to relieve anxiety quickly.  These include mindfulness, meditation, having a relaxing bath, or having a massage. They’re all great to do, but they only deal with the symptoms, not the root mental causes. In this article, I’m going to cover a number of ways to relieve anxiety quickly by dealing with the root causes.

Thinking and Imagining what could go wrong

To be anxious, you have to imagine or think about something in the future going badly. If you think it will go well or normally, then you won’t feel anxious. You will probably feel confident instead. Look back on past events or things you were anxious about.  How did they actually turn out? – My guess is probably okay.

Now think about something that you’re anxious about in the future.  Based on previous events, how do you think it will turn out? Probably okay as well.

Here is an example to help you understand this. Recently, I was at Sydney Airport waiting for my luggage. I had been waiting for 10 or 15 minutes and most people already had their bags by this time.  I started thinking, “I don’t think my bag is going to turn up.” Then, “what if” questions such as “what happens if my bag doesn’t turn up?”. Then more thoughts like “how am I going to deal with that?”

I realized that this thinking was making me feel anxious, so I reminded myself that I’ve been on about 70 flights over the last 20 years. On every flight, the bags have always turned up! – That’s the most likely outcome.

If I had kept thinking about the bag not turning up, that was just going to make me more anxious. So instead, I started thinking about the bag turning up. I even visualized it showing up on the conveyor belt!  For those next 5 to 10 minutes while I was waiting for the bag, I felt more comfortable and more relaxed. Sure enough, the bag did show up, which was what I was expecting all along.

Here are some tips to help you relieve anxiety quickly by changing your focus of attention.

Spend time consciously focusing on how you would like something to go. It doesn’t have to be super-positive.  Turning out okay is fine. A good time to do this is first thing in the morning when you get up.

When you feel anxious, notice what you are imagining or saying to yourself. Then, ask yourself, “Is thinking or imagining this going to make you feel any better?” Questioning is really powerful. It gets your mind to focus on the solution.

Imagine going 45 minutes into the successful completion of whatever it is you’re worried about. Notice what you notice, and notice how you feel when you do that.

Ask yourself, “How likely is the worst case scenario?” If the worst case scenario is quite likely, then make plans to deal with it, so you have a contingency. If it’s highly unlikely, then it’s much better to stop focusing on it and to focus on something else instead. Remember, 95% of what you fear or worry about never happens! You need to have this distinction in your mind as to what is probable (likely to happen) and what is possible but unlikely to happen.

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Separate Anxiety from Your Sense of Identity

I wonder if you have ever said these to yourself? –  “I am an anxious person”, or “I’m always anxious.”

If that’s you, then remember that anxiety is something you do, it’s not something you are. It’s a feeling. It’s not part of your identity.

Here are some ideas to change this and help relieve anxiety quickly in the process.

Add the phrase “except when you’re not.” For example “I’m always anxious, except when you are not“. If you think about it, I’m sure there are many times when you are not anxious. We just never think about those times.  Adding the phrase “except when you’re not”, reminds your brain that anxiety is something you do, NOT something you are.  Thank Bill O’Hanlon for this one.

Think about all the other things that you are besides an anxious person.  Perhaps you’re a parent, husband, wife, doctor, dentist, lawyer, electrician, chef, dog lover or cat lover.  See if you can list 20 other things are you also are.  If being an anxious person is only 5% of who you are, then that really puts it into perspective.

Think of anxiety as a feeling, rather than part of who you are.  Rather than say, “I am anxious,” say “I feel anxious,” or “I am feeling anxious.”

Overthinking

It’s pretty hard to be anxious if you don’t overthink things. They go hand in hand.

Overthinking doesn’t need to be negative thinking. It can be planning, strategizing or weighing up options. However, if you keep thinking of the same things over and over again, you’re going to feel anxious.

How do you know when you’re thinking but NOT overthinking?   A useful amount of thinking will normally lead you to a decision or some kind of action to solve the problem. An excessive amount of thinking will usually keep you stuck in the problem.

If you find that you’re thinking the same things over and over again and not taking any action or getting a solution, that’s a clue that you’re probably overthinking something.

Here are some tips to help you relieve anxiety quickly by reducing or stopping overthinking.

Notice “what if” questions and answer them.

People that overthink things, often come up with “what if” questions, but they don’t answer them!

For example, if you were feeling anxious about a presentation you might have a thought like “What if I mess up my words in my presentation today”

Here are some possible answers:

  • Some people could laugh
  • Other people might help, support and encourage you
  • Other people may empathize with you.
  • Some people will be relieved that it’s you talking and not them!
  • Other people will not even notice that you messed up your words.

So by answering the “what if” questions, you start to focus on solutions or contingencies. For example, If somebody does laugh, you can decide how you would deal with them laughing. You’ll be prepared for it and have a way to deal with it.

Allocate specific “worry-time”

Allocate a specific time to think or worry about situations.  When this time is up, imagine putting those worries into little boxes and locking them. You could have separate boxes for work worries, money worries, relationship worries, health worries etc.

When it’s not “worry-time” and an anxious thought comes into your mind, say, “Not right now.” The anxious thoughts will come up often to start with, so be persistent with saying “Not right now” It will take a while to train your brain to respond to this.

If you find that worries keep you awake at night, then this is a great exercise to do just before going to sleep. You can do this by visualizing a very calming and relaxed room with little boxes on the wall.  Then imagine putting your work worries into a box and locking it, then repeating the process with money worries, relationship worries etc.

When all your anxious thoughts are safely in the correct boxes, imagine putting the keys to the boxes somewhere safe.   Somewhere where there is no chance of anything coming out of those boxes until the following morning. Maybe put the keys under your pillow, if that works well for you.  I have found this to be one of the best ways to relieve anxiety quickly.

Dealing with Uncertainty

We cannot predict the result of anything we do with 100% accuracy. Life would actually be quite boring if we could.

Imagine going to a soccer or rugby match knowing exactly which team would win. That would be quite boring. It would be like watching a recording of the match on TV the following day when you already know what the result is.

Or what about taking part in a competition where you had a 100% chance of winning. I don’t think the feeling of winning would be quite the same if it was guaranteed.

So uncertainty is actually a good thing. It’s what makes life fun, exciting and enjoyable.   The problem comes when the uncertainty is negative.

How do you deal with negative uncertainty in a way that will relieve anxiety quickly? – Well, one thing that really helps is a good level of self-confidence. I believe that confidence is the opposite of anxiety.

If life is uncertain, what can you be certain about? – We can be certain about having the confidence to do our best and the confidence to handle whatever happens.

Long-term Focus

In the longer term, things are much more predictable. If you eat the right foods consistently for months or years, then the chances are very likely that you will have a healthy life.

Same with mental health. If you focus on being grateful, think positive and take action on your goals and dreams, then in a few years’ time, you’re far more likely to be successful and happier than someone who doesn’t do that.  So as you can see, in the long term, results are actually quite predictable.  Uncertainty is really a short-term issue in most instances.

Knowing what is within your control

People that feel anxious worry a lot about things that are outside of their control. This is especially true when other people are involved.  Remember that you can influence others, but you cannot directly control them.

Ask yourself, “Can I really control the outcome, or can I only influence it?

Focus on the things that you can control. When that involves other people, do the best you can.  Then be okay with whatever the outcome is in that situation, knowing that you’ve done your best.

Just the simple shift of knowing what is within your control and what isn’t can really help relieve anxiety quickly.

Taking Action

Thinking too much about something can lead you to overwhelm, indecision, and procrastination. A good thing to remember is that thinking is not doing.

I encourage you to look at situations that are making you feel anxious, and ask yourself, “What have I done in the last week to make this situation better?” or “What have I done in the last week to deal with it better in some way?” If the answer is not a lot, then taking some kind of action, even if it’s not the best option, will help you replace anxiety with feelings of confidence.

If something seems overwhelming, break it down into steps, and then do the first step today and notice how the anxiety feelings start to wash away.

Focus on the External World and Other People

This is really about getting out of your own head. I have found that anxiety tends to be an inside job. It involves spending too much time thinking about your problem and not being in the present.

Instead, become more aware of the external world. When you’re walking, notice the flowers in people’s gardens. Notice what other people are doing. Notice the sky and clouds. Really notice what is happening around you.

Focus and be more grateful for the things you do have. Notice the problems that other people have, and share empathy for them. Help them if you can. Helping others will make you feel better, but more importantly, it gets you out of your own head and this really helps relieve anxiety quickly.

Focus on the Skills, Abilities and Experience that you DO Have

People with anxiety feelings tend to overestimate risk and overestimate the things that can go wrong.  They underestimate what they can actually do about it and their level of confidence to deal with it successfully.

Think about past anxious situations that you have dealt with successfully, and ask yourself, “How did I overcome similar obstacles in the past?” or “Where else in my life have I used the skills, abilities, and experiences that I could use now?” or “How have I handled these things in the past?”

Maybe you didn’t handle them as well as you would have liked. However, still focus on how you did handle them, and then use some of those skills and abilities and apply them to this situation.  Then notice how this can relieve your anxiety quickly.

Perfectionism

It’s natural to want to perform well and to the best of your ability.  To be as effective as you can. However, could you be putting too much pressure on yourself?

Being a perfectionist is essential in some occupations. You would want your brain surgeon to be a perfectionist! However, in many situations, being good and doing something to the best of your ability is more important (and less anxiety-producing) than being an absolute perfectionist.

It’s more important to make progress and improve as you go along. If you’re a writer, ask yourself, “Would it be better to have four books that are 80% perfect rather than one book that is 100% perfect?” How many more people would benefit from four books that are 80% perfect than the one book that’s absolutely 100%.

You don’t have to be perfect at everything!

Think about the things in life that don’t have to be perfect. Things like housework, ironing or preparing food.  These don’t have to be absolutely perfect. It’s not an all or nothing situation.

Focus on the things that really need to be perfect and make them perfect.  For everything else, focus on making them good enough. This will help you reduce anxiety and stress generally.

If you’re the kind of person that requires everything in your life to be absolutely perfect, then you are going to suffer from a high level of anxiety.  If that’s you, take on this idea of being a perfectionist of some things and notice how this helps you relieve anxiety quickly.

Become an Internal Control Freak

Trying to control everything externally in your life is exhausting and simply not possible. So I suggest that you let go of the things that you can’t control. Instead, you can become an internal control freak! – A control freak for your mind!

There are a number of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) techniques that can help you to become an internal control freak. Here are a few of them.

If you have a lot of internal dialogue or self-talk, try turning down the volume of the self-talk. Although this dialogue is in your head, it can often be perceived as sounding quite loud. Imagine turning down the volume of this internal dialogue.  If you can, stop reading and do this now!   Make it really quiet and notice how your feelings change.

Internal dialogue or self-talk can sometimes be perceived as very authoritarian. This possibly came from teachers at school or your parents, who needed to be very authoritarian at times to keep you out of trouble.

Listen to your self-talk.  If it sounds authoritarian, make it sound naughty instead. A naughty female French accent works really well for many people!  Imagine saying the thing that’s making you anxious with a naughty French accent. What might that be like?  This can be a fun way to relieve anxiety quickly.

Also, watch your language! Looking out for non-choice words such as “I should”, “I must” or “I have to,”.  These words indicate a lack of choice and sound quite authoritarian too. Use words such as “I could”, “I can” or “I choose to.” instead.  This will give you the feeling of having choices and options which is probably closer to reality anyway.

If you often imagine things going wrong, then make the images smaller and in black and white. This will help reduce the anxiety feelings.

So experiment with the above NLP techniques and notice how these can help you relieve anxiety quickly.

So these are my strategies for helping you relieve anxiety quickly in your life by dealing with the root causes. There is a lot of practical information here and I really encourage you to apply as many of these tips as you can. They will help you immensely if you work on them consistently.

If you enjoyed reading this article, please leave a comment or question below.  I would love to hear what you think!   Please also click on the stars below to rate this post or share it with a friend or on social media.

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In this blog post, I’m going to talk about how to change the four core beliefs that keep you stuck.

What are the four core beliefs that keep you stuck?

1. I’m not good enough

This is a very common core belief to have. Other variations to this include “I am not worthy enough” or “I don’t deserve this“. When you have this core belief (which is often unconscious),  you’ll find that you often sabotage yourself.  You don’t take the steps to achieve your goals and dreams because you don’t feel you’re worthy of it or don’t feel you’re good enough.

It also translates into money as well. You might apply for jobs with a lower salary because you feel you’re not worthy of anything more. This belief could affect how you negotiate salaries or promotions.  So if you have issues with money, it will often come down to the belief of I’m not good enough or not worthy enough. Same applies if you’re self-employed.  Perhaps you’re uncomfortable charging a certain amount for your services, even though that’s the market rate for your profession.

2. The world is not a safe place for me.

This core belief can manifest itself in a number of ways.  Sometimes specific fears or phobias can arise from this. Or it’s a reluctance to go out and try new things, to get out of your comfort zone. However, if you believe that the world is not safe, this is going to affect the things that you do in your life.

3. I am powerless.

Now, this could be feeling powerless to change, feeling that you have no power over your life circumstances or over what happens to you. This can be a challenging belief if you’re into personal development or self-help.  You go to seminars, read books, watch videos, but then struggle to apply the information to your life consistently.  If you have this belief that you can’t change anyway, then you’re not likely to take the steps that are proven to work and give you the changes that you want.

Having the belief that I am powerless also means that you don’t take responsibility for yourself. Instead, you blame other people or other situations for the way your life is at the moment.

4. Love and relationships = pain

If you unconsciously believe that love and relationships = pain, then you might attract abusive or difficult partners or people into your life.  People that will make you unhappy. Or you end up lonely because you just don’t go out and meet people because you believe inside that relationships are going to cause pain.

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What happens if you don’t address these core beliefs

If you don’t address these four core beliefs, then affirmations, visualizations or positive thinking will either not work or be a temporary fix.

You come up with a positive idea or affirmation.  It’s something you want, it’s stated in the positive and achieving it makes you happy and fulfilled.  It all makes logical sense to your conscious mind.

However, another part of your mind looks at your core beliefs and thinks that it isn’t positive. A fear or threat based emotion challenges that positive idea. It seems scary and what if it all went wrong. That part of your mind is simply trying to protect you and keep you safe.

So when you say an affirmation or think of an idea that conflicts with one of your core beliefs, you’ll either get an internal voice that says something like, “you can’t do that”, “this is not going to work for you”. Alternatively, you might get some kind of uncomfortable feeling, perhaps in the stomach.

Questioning the Resistance

So the first thing I recommend you do is question that resistance. Do this by asking yourself the following questions:

  • What am I thinking right now?
  • What am I feeling right now?
  • What must I be believing to have this feeling?

What these questions do is take you to the next layer of your beliefs. The more you question those beliefs, the sooner you’ll get to the core beliefs that I was talking about earlier. It’s like peeling an onion, the more you peel it, the closer you get to the core.

3 Ways to Change your Core Beliefs

Here are three methods or techniques that will help you change your core beliefs.

Suspend Belief Statement

The suspend belief statement allows your mind to park your current reality for a little while, which then allows your new ideas to sink in without conflict.

Here is an example of a suspend belief statement.

For the next few minutes, I will momentarily suspend what I believe in this area and willfully accept the belief that I want. During this time, my desire and belief will be one. There will be no conflict because I do this willingly. For this time, I will completely alter my old beliefs. I will act as if the belief I want were mine completely.

The original statement (which I’ve modified a little) came from a book called “The Nature of Personal Reality” by Jane Roberts.  This book is well worth a read.

For me, this statement made all the difference between affirmations that work and affirmations that don’t. What you are doing is suspending your current beliefs for a few moments, whilst you willfully accept the belief that you want, as if it’s completely yours right now. There is no conflict with what I normally think, because I’m going to pretend that all those thoughts don’t exist just for now.

The important factor here is that you have to consciously, deliberately and willingly suspend your normal reality for a moment. Then willfully accept some new ideas as if they’re already true now, not at some point in the future. Right now!

Create Affirmations that address some or all of the four core beliefs.

The second process (which I recommend doing after the first process above) is to incorporate affirmations that address some or all of these four core beliefs. Here are positive affirmations that are the opposite of the four negative core beliefs outlined earlier.

  1. I am good enough or I am worthy enough or I do deserve this.
  2. The world is a safe place for me.
  3. I am powerful and can influence my world. This is being powerful within yourself, rather than power over other people.
  4. Love and relationships equal pleasure.

What I recommend is to start saying these to yourself. When you say these, you may notice any kind of inner resistance.  This might be negative self-talk or an uncomfortable feeling.   If you notice any resistance, then modify these statements to replace the word “am” with the word “want” and then “can“.

Example of positive core belief affirmations using the word”want”

  1. I want to be good enough or I want to be worthy enough or I want to be able to deserve this.
  2. I want the world to be a safe place for me.
  3. I want to be powerful and able to influence my world.
  4. I want love and relationships to equal pleasure.

When you use “want” instead of “am”,  you will notice that your mind will be able to accept the affirmations more easily with less resistance.  Your conscious mind will pick up on the fact that you haven’t got this right now.  However, your unconscious mind will still pick up on the core idea of being good enough, the world being a safe place, being able to influence your world and relationships being pleasurable.

As your mind accepts these “want” statements and you notice little or no resistance, then you can then move on to “can” statements.

Example of positive core belief affirmations using “can”

  1.  I can be good enough or worthy enough or deserve this.
  2. The world can be a safe place for me.
  3. I can be powerful and able to influence my world.
  4. Love and relationships can equal pleasure.

Once you feel comfortable with the “can” statements, you can then use the “am” statements that I covered earlier. You can also replace “am” with “want” or “can”  with your other affirmations as well, so give it a go.

Using Emotion

The third part of the process is using emotions in the most effective way.

Think about how exciting the lead up to Christmas can be.  However, when Christmas day arrives, it’s often not quite as exciting as the lead up to it was. Same goes for holidays. During those last few days at work, you get really excited about your forthcoming holiday.  The holiday arrives and you hopefully have a lot of fun, great experiences and enjoy relaxing.  However, have you noticed that after a few days, the holiday starts to feel kind of normal.

That’s the kind of feeling you want to create when saying your affirmations. You want your brain to start thinking of this new experience as normal.  It can still be fulfilling, pleasurable and you can feel grateful for having it.

Creating this “normal” feeling will help you when taking action towards your goals, by transforming that emotional excitement into physical action energy. So you’re putting this energy into achieving the goal and focusing on it.

Other Important Tips

  1. Repeat your affirmations at least once a day for 30 to 40 days.  This may seem like a lot, but if you incorporate it into your morning ritual or morning routine it will become a habit and something that makes you feel good.
  2. Focus on one idea, one affirmation for 15 to 20 seconds.  That is actually quite a long time to focus on one idea. Typically, after 3 or 4 seconds, our brain has wondered to something else. When you focus on one idea for 15 seconds or longer, your brain thinks the idea is important and latches onto it. The affirmation will then take on more meaning in your brain and your own conscious mind will take it more seriously as well.
  3. Say your affirmations out loud when you can. This will really help. When your mind hears what you are saying, it goes in deeper. Repeating affirmations out loud also helps improve your concentration, so you can focus on this one idea for longer.

We unconsciously say affirmations to ourselves every day, hundreds of times a day and they’re often negative!  So you need positive affirmations to counteract these. The affirmation that is repeated most often is the one that’s going be most effective.

If you’re repeating positive affirmations to yourself regularly and are also saying things to yourself like, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m stupid” regularly, and if the negative idea has more emotive force than the first idea,  then the negative affirmation is obviously going to win!

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Thank you for reading this article.  Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul