How to Tame Your Negative Internal Voice

In this article, you will learn a number of practical and effective ways to tame your negative internal voice.  This is the internal dialogue or self-talk that runs a commentary of your life, which is often negative.

What would it be like to stop or reduce this negative internal voice?  You know the one that makes you feel bad or stops you in your tracks.

This article will help you have a different relationship with your negative internal voice so that it controls you less and less.

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This is really important! You are not your negative internal voice, The inner dialogue inside your head is NOT really you. You’re just the one that hears it. This internal dialogue that you hear affects how you feel, behave, and how you do things. However, the real you is separate from that negative internal voice. The real you is not that internal voice.

The difference between You and your negative internal voice

There are two parts. The first part is You (or your consciousness). This includes your awareness, sense of identity, your ambitions, goals and your core being. The other part is this internal voice that provides a commentary of everything that is happening in your life, including all the things you are seeing, hearing, and feeling. It’s like a sports commentary. When things are going well, the internal voice is quiet and slow. When something exciting happens, then that voice is loud and fast. It’s also loud and fast when something negative or scary happens.

Your internal voice manipulates your experience according to your beliefs, sense of identity, self-image, and self-worth. When all is well, this voice will say nice things to you and make you feel good. When things go badly, this internal voice may say things that make you feel fearful or anxious.

So here are some examples of this internal voice working against you in different situations

  • You make a mistake or do something poorly.  This negative voice says things like “you always make mistakes”, or, “you’re a stupid person”
  • Talking to another person.  Rather than really listening to the other person, this negative voice chirps up and says things like “I don’t like the way he’s talking” or “I don’t like his mannerisms”, or “am I coming across well to this person?”, or “does this person like me?” It’s like this negative internal voice is either judging you or the other person.
  • You’re trying to solve a problem and you keep thinking about it over and over again.
  • You are worrying about future situations. it could be work, health, finances or overall security.  This internal voice runs a negative internal commentary about the future.

Your inner roommate

In his book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, he describes this negative internal voice as your inner roommate. Imagine having this roommate that’s constantly criticizing and saying bad things about you. How would you deal with this roommate? More on this later.

The problem is that your mind engages or pays attention to this endless chatter, or negative internal voice. However, now that you know that this internal voice is not really you, you can begin to separate that voice from the real you.

So, how do you tame your negative internal voice?

1. Become aware of this negative internal voice

The first step to tame your negative internal voice is to notice or become more aware of it. Notice what it says and how it’s saying it. However, make sure that you don’t just blindly follow what it says. Remember, it’s not you. It’s just that negative internal voice.

2. Develop an attitude of curiosity

Rather than blindly following it, start to be more curious about the thoughts and words that come to mind. Ask yourself, “why is it thinking that way?”, or “what is the positive intention behind this?”

Another way is to think of the negative internal voice as like traffic on a highway. Start by visualizing that you are on the side of a highway (or on a bridge) watching the traffic.  It’s evening rush hour and the cars are bumper to bumper. Then imagine the traffic reducing and notice the spaces between the cars as it gets later and later.  As you visualize the gaps in the traffic, begin to notice gaps in your internal dialogue or thoughts.  Notice the times when you have an absence of thoughts.

Never try to stop this internal negative voice directly.  This doesn’t work.  Remember, what you resist, persists! The more you try and stop it, the worse it gets.  Instead, just remember that this negative internal voice is not you and then choose to let it go as you breathe out.

Remember that this internal voice is useful when you’re in physical danger. That’s what it’s there for,  However, most of the time, we are not in immediate physical danger. In these times, you can choose to ignore it, or just let it go.

3. Think of this voice as another person

Think of your negative internal voice as a real person that is talking to you (or even shouting at you!). As mentioned earlier, Michael Singer suggests thinking of this negative internal voice as your inner roommate.

Then ask yourself, “would I allow another person to talk to me in such a negative or impolite way”. Would I really allow someone else to talk to me like that? How would you react if someone did talk to you in that way? What would you do? Would you argue with them? Would you convince them that you’re not really like that?  Start to challenge what you are hearing as if it was coming from a real person.

Also, ask yourself, “is this what I want?” The answer will almost certainly be No! Who wants a negative person like that in their head telling them what they can and can’t do!

4. Turn down the volume or change the tone

This is a great technique that comes from NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). Imagine you have a remote control (like a TV remote) and see yourself slowly decreasing the volume on the remote control device. Keep doing this until your negative internal voice becomes just a whisper. Then turn it off completely.  This is a great technique to use when you notice that the voice is quite loud and dominating.

You can also change the tone of this internal voice. Start by listening to it. Then ask, does it remind you of someone? Perhaps it sounds like one of your parents, a school teacher or some other authority figure. Even if it doesn’t remind you of someone, ask yourself if this voice is very stern or serious? If it is, then you can change it.

When it’s a male voice, change it to a female voice.  When it’s a female voice, change it to a male voice.  You can also change the accent. Imagine this voice with a silly accent, perhaps a naughty french accent! – how does that change things? Most people notice that the meaning and power of their negative internal voice is reduced when they change the tone.

5.  Change “I” statements to “You” statements

Here are some examples

“I am so stupid”, change it to “You are so stupid”.

“I just can’t do this”, change it to “You just can’t do this”.

This is even more effective when you write down these statements as you notice them. Grab your journal and start writing down all the negative “I” statements that you can think of, and then change them to “you” statements.

By doing this, you separate these statements from your identity and that creates a powerful positive shift.  It feels like your inner roommate is saying it to you, rather than you saying it to yourself. This little change of language can really help neutralize the feelings and particularly the negative emotions that can come from that internal voice.

6. Meditation

Another great way to tame your negative internal voice is meditation. Meditation has many benefits and this will be the topic of another blog post. However, the great thing about meditation is the ability to focus on one thing only. Now, that one thing could be your breathing, or a guided meditation or hypnosis recording.

The key to meditation is to develop the skill to notice very quickly when you’re mind wonders and then gently bring it back to whatever you are focussing on.

So, when you’re focusing on something, your negative internal voice will try and interrupt it. And it will do this many times, especially when you start meditating and that’s okay. When you notice your mind wandering, gently breathe out and allow that voice to fade into the background.

Regular Meditation also improves your concentration and focus.  It also makes the I part of you (the you that is not your negative internal voice) much stronger over time.

So, I highly recommend doing about 10 minutes of meditation each day. This will really help you to control that negative internal voice in your head.

So these are a few great ways to help you tame your negative internal voice. And remember that just by reading this article, you’re going to start to look at your internal voice differently. Continue to keep in mind this idea that you and your internal voice are two different parts.  When you do this, you’ll notice a profound change in the relationship that you have with your internal voice.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

How to Set and Achieve your Goals in 2019

In this article, you will learn the 10 fundamental steps that will help you set and achieve your goals in 2019. If you are reading this article and it’s not January or even 2019, then you can still use this process to set and achieve your goals.

Successful people set and achieve goals! It’s that simple! If you don’t know where you’re heading, then how can you measure your progress? Besides, it feels good when you achieve your goals. It gives you a reason to celebrate and give yourself a pat on the back.

There is a right and a wrong way to set goals. In this article, I will go really in-depth into the goal setting process, so that you can set yourself goals that are believable, achievable and a little bit of a stretch too!

This process not only works brilliantly for annual goals but also for monthly and quarterly goals as well.  Master the ability to set and achieve your goals in 2019 by applying the information in this article today!

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A staggering 98% of people that set new year goals and new year resolutions don’t achieve them. That leaves only 2% that do! My purpose with this article is to help you become one of the 2% that achieve your new year resolutions and goals.

You can set goals at any time of the year. January 1st is only a date! Why wait, when you can set and achieve your goals right now! Waiting until January 1st is just an excuse! Also, the process that I’m about to cover works fantastically with quarterly and monthly goals as well.

Let’s start by getting into a great state! Put some inspirational or energetic music on and start moving your body. When you’re in a great state, you will set goals that really inspire you. If you can, do this process in an inspirational place, perhaps outside with nature.

I originally learnt this 10 step goal setting and achieving process from the Life Mastery Accelerator monthly mentoring program by Stephan James. If you follow Tony Robbins, you will probably be familiar with some of this process as well.

Step 1: Review the previous year, month or quarter

Start by reviewing and reflecting on what happened in the last year, month or quarter. There are 3 parts to this.

Part 1: Focus on your achievements, wins and successes

Look at your achievements, wins, successes and happy moments. Notice what went well and what you really enjoyed. This will give you the confidence and clarity that you can achieve your new goals by reminding you of what you have already achieved. This then strengthens your belief in your ability to achieve the goals that you set yourself.

Part 2: Look at the struggles, setbacks and challenges

Now look at the struggles, challenges, and the things that you didn’t want to happen. This is important because it creates awareness. Notice what didn’t go to plan and the things that were difficult for you.

Part 3: What can I learn from these challenges, setbacks or struggles

Find out what you can learn from the challenges, setbacks, or struggles that you identified. This is super important, because you don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again.

Step 2: Create or Review Your Life Vision

Your life vision or life mission is where you want to be in 5, 10, 20, or even 30 years. It is your crazy goals, crazy dreams, and the completely unrealistic (but highly exciting) aspirations that you have for yourself. You’ve probably heard the term “if you shoot for the stars you might reach the moon”. Well, your vision is the shooting for the stars type of goals.

If you haven’t created a vision or mission for your life before, then spend a few minutes doing this now. You can always refine it later.

Step 3: Brainstorm Goals

This is where it gets fun! Come up with a list of every single possible goal that you could set yourself for this year, quarter, or month. However, before you start brainstorming, you need to know about the two types of goals.

Outcome goals

Outcome goals are about achieving a specific result. This could be making $100,000, losing 20kg in weight, getting a great new job or finding a partner. Most people set outcome goals, so you’re probably already familiar with these.

However, there is one big problem with outcome goals. They are not completely within your control. Sure, you can do things to set the odds in your favor, but you cannot guarantee that you will achieve an outcome goal.

Process Goals

Process goals are completely within your control. They are also known as activity-based goals because they are based on you doing specific things. Process goals are all the steps and things that you would or could do to achieve an outcome goal.

Examples of process goals include working out four times a week, eating a paleo diet five days a week or applying for 10 new jobs per week. Notice how all these goals are within your control.

Set both Outcome AND Process goals

If you only set outcome goals, then you are much more likely to give up when you don’t see any progress. Let’s say you have set yourself the outcome goal to lose 10 kilos of body fat. If after 1 month, you have seen little or no progress, its going to be easy to give up.

However, if you have also set process goals to exercise 4 times a week and eat a special diet, then after a month, you can tick those goals off and feel good, even if you do not see much progress in achieving the outcome goal.

Brainstorm goals in ALL areas of life

It’s important to set goals in all areas of life, so that you feel happy and fulfilled. It also ensures that all your human needs are met. Brainstorm goals for your health, career, money, relationships, family, friends and the spiritual side of your life. Aim for 10 goals for each area of your life.

If you look at unhappy celebrities, its often because they have achieved amazing success in one area of life, but have neglected other aspects of their life, especially their health. So it is important to set goals in all areas of life.

Step 4: Choose the goals to set and achieve

From your list of brainstormed goals, choose the goals that you will set and achieve for this year. Don’t try and do hem all! There is a great saying which is “you can do anything, but you can’t do everything“.

Start by deciding which goals you can eliminate right away. Then decide which goals you will absolutely commit to. This will leave you with some goals that you are not sure about. Keep these goals in for now and we will put them through the desire and belief test.

Desire and Belief Test

So by now, you should have a list of goals that you definitely want to commit to and a few that you are not sure about yet.

Take one of your goals and ask yourself “what is my desire for achieving this goal on a scale of 1 to 10? If you give it a 7 or above, then you have the desire and motivation to achieve it. If it is lower than a 7, then either change the goal to make it more motivating and compelling or scrap it for now.

For the same goal, now ask yourself “On a scale of 1 to 10, how confident and certain am I that I can and will achieve this goal?” This is testing your belief in your ability to achieve this goal. If you give yourself a 7 or above, then you believe that you have the confidence and competence to achieve this goal. If it is lower than a 7, then either change the goal to make it more realistic and believeable or scrap it for now.

Here is an example of how the desire/belief test works. Lets say you have a goal to become a millionaire in 2019. Now, your desire for that could easily be a 10, but your belief might only be a 2. That is NOT a good goal, because you won’t have the belief to put in the work and you’ll give up easily.

So instead, you change the goal to making a 6 figure income during 2019. Now your desire for that might only be a 7. However, the belief in your ability to achieve this goal might also be a 7. By modifying this goal, it now passes the desire and belief test.

Now, repeat the desire and belief test with all your other goals, modifying or scrapping goals as necessary. You will now have a smaller list of goals that have both a desire and belief of 7 or more.

Step 5: Make your goals SMART

By now, you will have a list of goals that have a desire and belief of 7 or more out of 10. For these goals, we are going to put them through the SMART test. SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound.

Let’s apply SMART to the goal of earning $100,000 this year. On the surface, it seems very specific. You can’t get much more specific than a dollar amount. However, is this $100,000 in U.S. dollars or another currency? Is it before or after tax? Is it revenue or profit? So it could be more specific.

Is this goal measurable? Yes, it is. You could easily measure this goal by dividing 100,000 by 12 to obtain a monthly amount that you want to earn. You could then measure this each month to see if you are on track to achieving this goal or not. I would recommend changing the phrase “this year” to “31 December 2019”, as a specific date will be more motivating and compelling.

Is this goal achievable? If you have applied the desire and belief test, then your goal should already be achievable.

Is this goal realistic? This is going to depend on the person, where you are now and the timeframe. For some people earning $100,000 in a year could be very achievable, especially if these people are already earning something close to that. For others, it could take two or three years. To make the goal more realistic, you may need to reduce the goal or lengthen the timeframe. Again, the belief and desire test explained earlier can help you set realistic goals.

Is this goal time-bound? Yes, this goal has been set with a timeframe of this year, so it must be achieved by 31 December this year. For smaller goals, set shorter timeframes such as by the end of a certain month or quarter.

Step 6: Use language to make your goals more compelling

The language that you use when setting goals can have a huge influence on your belief and your motivation to achieve them.

Say “I will”

Don’t say “I want”. For example, “I want to earn $100,000 by 31 December 2019”. Why? Because the words “I want” emphasize to your subconscious mind (and the universe) that you do not have it yet.

Instead, say “I will“. By saying “I will”, you are presupposing and presuming that it will happen. You could also say “I have”, which presupposes that you have it already! For example, I have already earned $100,000 by 31 December 2019. This can work as long as another part of your brain doesn’t say “oh, no you haven’t!”

Include “Easily”

Who wants goals to be hard? Why not tell your subconscious mind that you will easily achieve this goal. For example, “I will easily earn $100,000 by 31 December 2019” Besides easily, you could also include words such as “enjoyable” or “fun”.

Include “Love the process”

You can also add phrases such as “love the process”, “enjoy doing it” or “feel good about it” For example, “I will easily make $100,000 this year and love the process.

Now you can see how the goal of “I will earn $100,000 by 31 December 2019” has turned into “I will easily earn $100,000 by 31 December 2019 and love the process”. Just some subtle language changes can really spice up your goals and increase your belief and motivation to achieve them.

Step 7: Find your Why

Finding your why will boost your desire and motivation to achieve the goal. To find or strengthen your why, ask yourself the following questions.

  1. Why do I want this?
  2. What is the benefit?
  3. What difference is this going to make in my life?

Your answers to these questions can be positive (moving towards pleasure), or negative (moving away from pain). For example, one of your reasons for losing weight could be to have a fit and healthy body. This is a positive reason that will move you towards the pleasure of having a great looking body. Another reason could be to not have diabetes and other health issues later in life. This is a negative reason that is pushing you away from the pain of being ill later in life.

Whether the reasons are moving you towards pleasure or away from pain doesn’t matter. Both can be very motivating. The most important thing is that you identify your reasons, you identify your why.

Step 8: Create a Plan

Creating a plan is especially important with annual goals or six monthly goals. You need a plan to take consistent action and to measure your results. So it’s time to brainstorm once more! This time, brainstorm all the different ways to achieve this goal. What are all the different steps that you could take? Write these all down. In the case of losing weight, there are many different diet choices and exercise regimes that you could follow. Write these all down.

Then apply the 80/20 Pareto principle to each of the ways or steps that you have come up with. So what is the Pareto principle? – It’s simply the concept that 20% of the effort gives you 80% of the results. If you want to become confident in dating and meeting the opposite sex, then you could spend 80% of your time learning how to do this. This might improve your confidence by 20%. Alternatively, you could spend 20% of your time, getting out of your comfort zone and talking to the opposite sex and boost your confidence by 80%.

Often the 20% of effort that gives you the 80% result involves taking action, rather than learning. What would your life be like if you just spen 20% of your time learning about personal development and 80% of your time applying what you have learned? Taking action is often the thing that is going to really help you achieve your goals more quickly.

Step 9: Evaluate your Progress

Check in on a weekly basis to measure the progress you are making towards your goals. Notice what is going well which activities are getting you closer to your goals. Identify any activities that are of little value or are even taking you further away from your goal.

Most people don’t do this, so if you evaluate your progress on a weekly basis, you will already be way ahead of everybody else.

Step 10: Accountability

When you share your goals with someone else, you are far more likely to achieve them. Why? because there is more at stake emotionally. If you don’t achieve the goal or fall short, you will need to explain why to this person. Sharing your goals with another person also means that they can ask you for an update on your progress at any time. This forces you to evaluate your own progress on a regular basis.

When I hired a personal trainer I did much more exercise between sessions. When I regularly had music lessons at school, I also practiced much more between lessons. There is something about being accountable to somebody else that makes you put in the work that you wouldn’t otherwise do.

Rather than choosing to be accountable to one person, you could use social media instead. Share your goals with the world on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. You could even share your weekly progress evaluation on social media as well.

You can also be accountable to me! Simply message me with a list of your goals and I’ll check in with you every couple of months.

Complete a 100 day challenge

To massively speed up the achievement of your goals in 2019, I highly recommend enrolling in the 100 day challenge. This is an amazing program that I do every year. It will really fast track the achievement of your goals so that you achieve in months what most people take years to do!

The 100 day challenge program works so incredibly well because it combines accountability, a weekly evaluation ritual and a daily motivational or inspirational video. This program helps you focus and take action on your goals every day for the whole 100 days. It is amazing what you can achieve in 100 days when you really put your mind to it.

Click here to find out more about the 100 day challenge.

Conclusion

I encourage you to take some time out to complete this goal setting process. It could take you a few hours, but it is so worth it. If you can, find an inspirational place where you can relax, feel good, and get really creative, and then go through this process. I can’t wait to hear about the goals that you come up with, so please do share your goals in the comments below.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

What To Do When The Law of Attraction is Not Working

In this article, you will discover what to do when the Law of Attraction is not working for you.

I’ll discuss what “accidental attraction” is and then cover several exercises that you can do whenever you notice that the Law of Attraction is not working in the way you want it to.

Your feelings and emotions are a key driver in attracting or not attracting what you want. Feelings of lack or resistance can be the reason why the Law of Attraction is not working for you.

Learn how to change or let go of these feelings and you’ll start to attract what you want in your life.

Watch the video below:

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You are applying the Law of Attraction to the best of your ability.  You may be getting some small results (like manifesting parking spaces), but the big goals are either not happening at all or happening very slowly. Or perhaps, you’re even going backwards.

The truth is, the Law of Attraction is always working in your life.  However, more often than not, it seems to attract negative outcomes.  This is known as “Accidental Attraction”.  Here is an example of how this happens.

  1. You notice and pay attention to something in your life. For example a lack of money.
  2. You respond to what you pay attention to, often with negative emotions such as disappointment or frustration
  3. The universe picks up on these emotions and sends you more of the same.  So you get more disappointment or more frustration.
  4. These same emotions and energy attract back into your life more of what you originally gave your attention to.  Examples could be an unexpected bill, or an unexpected expense on your house or car.

The good news is that this works in a positive way too.  Take a look at the above example and see how you could turn this around.

So here are some easy and powerful ways to get the Law of Attraction working for you.  You might notice a common theme in all of these.

Focus on what you want

The Universe does not understand the word “NO”.  So if you focus on not feeling sick, then the Universe will bring you more sickness.  This won’t happen if you have the occasional thoughts of sickness.  However, it will happen if you attach strong emotions to thoughts of sickness.

So how do you change your focus from what you don’t want to what you do want? – Here’s an exercise.

  1. Grab a pen & paper (or use your computer) and write down 5 examples of negative statements that you regularly think (or say out-loud).
  2. List the emotions that arise as you think about these 5 statements.
  3. Write down the equivalent positive statement for each of the 5 statements.  This might require some creativity, so spend some time on this.  You are starting to use a new “mental muscle” that you may not have used for sometime now, so be patient and kind on yourself.
  4. Finally notice the positive emotions that appear as you think of these new positive statements.

Now, whenever, you notice the negative emotions that you wrote down in step 2, remind yourself of the positive statements in step 3 and notice your emotions shift.

Increase Positive Emotions

I believe that emotions are a key reason for why the Law of Attraction is not working for you.  Why? – because the stronger the emotion, the stronger the energy that is emitted to the Universe.  If you feel strong emotions of happiness, joy and fulfilment, then you will attract situations that bring you more happiness, joy and fulfilment. If you feel fear, frustration, anger or disappointment, guess what happens?

Unfortunately, we tend to be programmed to experience negative emotions more frequently.  This is purely habitual and can be changed.  Think of it like doing a new exercise program, but this time for the mind!  – Here are some ways to increase positive emotions.

  • Write down 10 things you are grateful for in your life right now.  Read them back to yourself and really experience what these feel like.
  • Start focussing more on the positive things in your life and in the world generally.  You attract what you pay attention to, so it’s time to only pay attention to the things that will help you.
  • Do jumping jacks (or some other brief exercise) whenever you experience negative emotions.  Just the act of moving, immediately lifts your emotional energy.  If you don’t believe me, try it now!  There is a reason why the word emotion has the word “motion” in it!

Let Go of Resistance

Resistance manifests itself in two ways.

The first way is by focussing on something that you do not yet have in your life.   When you do this, you emit an energy of “lack”.  You do this by resisting your current situation and acknowledging that it makes you unhappy.

The Universe picks up on these emotions and gives you more “lack” in return.  This is often how people get stuck.  This feeling of lack or desperation also gets picked up by other people as well.  This is really common for people looking for a new job or soul mate.  In the case of finding a soul mate, have you ever noticed someone saying that “love comes when you least expect it”.  This happens because you have let go of the feeling of lack.

There are a few ways to consciously let go of these feelings of lack.

  • Acknowledge that you cannot directly control everything that happens or isn’t happening in your life.  By doing this, you will reduce the feelings of lack and send an energy of acceptance instead
  • Set “process goals”.  These are goals that are completely within your control.  Examples include, I will go on 6 dates this month, or I will take an evening course in public speaking.  You can also set goals for applying the Law of Attraction.  For example, I will repeat my top 5 affirmations, 5 times per day or I will spend 10 minutes looking at my vision board every day.  When you are taking practical steps towards your goals, it helps you to stop focussing on what you don’t have.
  • Choose to let it go.  This may be easier said that done, especially if you have a Type A personality.   Imagine the feelings of lack disappearing from your body and melting away can help.  We tend to think in pictures, so simple visualisations like this, can be surprisingly effective.

The other type of resistance is focussing on something that has already happened.   This could be the actions of another person (resentment) or beating yourself up for not doing something as well as you wanted to.  The easiest way to overcome this is to stop and ask yourself “why are you trying to resist something that has already happened?”  Tell yourself that dwelling on something that has already happened and is out of your control is pointless and will only attract more negativity.

When the feeling is resentment, remember that it is you that feels the resentment, not the other person!

Vision Boards

Visualisation is a great way to emit a powerful positive force to the Universe.  To test this out, I would like you to take a moment to imagine in graphic detail something that you really want in life.  Do this for 2 or 3 minutes right now.   Now write down the positive emotions that you are feeling as a result of doing this exercise. Notice how you have immediately changed the energy that you are emitting to the Universe.

A Vision Board will help you focus on what you want and generate the positive feelings that come from that.  The real power of Vision Boards comes from the positive feelings that are emitted when you focus on your goals and dreams.  That’s what the Universe will pick up on.  If Vision Boards seem a little “old hat” to you, then I highly recommend that you check out the latest Digital Vision Board Software.

The Key Takeaway

If the Law of Attraction is not working for you, then its highly likely that its your feelings and emotions that are getting in the way.  Emotions are energy and that is what the Universe will pick up on.  Apply the ideas in this article and notice how your new positive emotions will get the Law of Attraction working for you faster and more effectively.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

7 Great Ways to Reduce Anxiety Symptoms

In this article, I cover 7 powerful and effective ways to reduce anxiety symptoms.

Anxiety is caused by thinking and imagining future situations going badly. One of the key ways to reduce anxiety is to change the way you perceive the future, especially the uncertainty around how things might turn out.

The way you think and feel has a massive effect on your level of anxiety. Some of my ways to reduce anxiety work directly with your thoughts and feelings.

Watch the video below:

Click here to watch on YouTube

Listen to the Podcast  

Anxiety symptoms such as negative thoughts, fears, and worries dominate many people’s lives. It often has a negative effect on both mental and physical health. It makes it harder to be successful, happy and fulfilled in life.

Anxiety often comes from worrying about uncertain situations in our lives. We fear that something bad might happen and this fuels fear and anxiety.

I believe that the opposite of anxiety is confidence. If you really believe that you can handle the situation or person to the best of your ability, then you can achieve peace and eliminate anxious thoughts and feelings.

To help you, I have researched and identified the 7 most effective ways to reduce the symptoms of anxiety. Many of these have helped me personally and I believe they can help you too.

1. Change your Perception of the Future

Anxiety symptoms arise from thinking (or more likely imagining) that a future event will go badly. We imagine ourselves messing up a speech, missing a golf shot or upsetting someone we love. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “90% of what you worry about never happens”. Well, this is so true!

So instead, imagine how you would like the future event to go. Make it believable. If you don’t have much experience of public speaking, imagine it going OK, rather than brilliantly. As long as your future perception is neutral, that will be enough to reduce the anxiety symptoms.

2. Reduce Anxiety Symptoms by Embracing Uncertainty

We live in an uncertain and rapidly changing world. This can be a good or bad thing. It’s all about perception.

  • What would your life be like if every day was exactly the same?
  • How exciting would it be to watch a football match if you knew exactly what the result would be?
  • We need an element of uncertainty to make life exciting, fun, interesting, fulfilling and meaningful.

So to embrace change, you will want to become more comfortable with uncertainty. Having the faith and confidence that whatever happens will be OK really helps. Another great method is to step out of your comfort zone by trying new things.

3. Answering “What If” Questions

Anxiety symptoms arise from creating but not answering “what if” questions. For example, “What if I mess up my words during a job interview?” Thinking about this question over and over again will fuel anxiety symptoms.

Instead, take a deep breath and then write down all the answers you can think of. These could include “The interviewer will realize that I really want this job”, “The interviewer will smile and realize that I’m human and authentic”. By answering these questions, your brain will be “satisfied” and will bring up the what if questions less often.

4. Have Confidence, Trust and Faith

As I mentioned earlier, I believe that confidence is the opposite of anxiety. Confidence comes from believing that you will get a positive outcome and that you have the skills and abilities to give it your best shot.

If you are religious or have spiritual beliefs, use these to help you develop the faith that the situation will turn out for the best. Make use of this higher power (whatever it is for you) to guide you. This can also help you let go of the details and focus on the outcome.

Also, trust yourself. Looking at situations that have gone well in the past can help with this.

5. Chunking Down

Anxiety symptoms often arise by thinking about the negative outcome and not the steps. This is known as Globalisation or Global Thinking. Examples include “I’ll never get this report finished on time”, “I know my mother-in-law won’t like me” or “I’m never going to lose this weight”.

When you notice thoughts like these, my recommendation is to chunk them down. For example “What do I need to do exactly to complete this report on time?”, “What things can I do to increase the chances of my mother-in-law liking me?” or “what things can I do this week to start losing this weight?”.

Also, notice when other people say these globalisations to you. Encourage them to focus on the steps instead.

6. Decide which Voice or Feeling to Listen To

Our internal dialogue (self-talk) and feelings can lie. We have around 60,000 thoughts per day and most of those thoughts you pay no attention too. You may even have some thoughts that would get you into trouble if you did pay attention and act on them! This is normal and part of being human.

It is extremely difficult to prevent negative thoughts from coming up. However, it is very possible to ignore any thoughts that don’t serve you. By doing this, you give less emotion to these thoughts and you will become aware of them less and less.

The same goes with feelings. You can choose which feelings to pay attention to and which to ignore. Letting go of negative feelings removes the emotional charge and this helps to reduce anxiety symptoms.

7. Not Over-thinking things

When you think about something too much, this tends to fuel anxiety symptoms. These thoughts don’t necessarily need to be negative. Often neutral thoughts around strategies to fix or deal with the problem can have the same effect on anxiety symptoms.

A good solution is to set aside a specific time to think about the issue. When you do this, I suggest you work on changing your perception and answering any what if questions at the same time.

To Sum Up

I’m confident that if you apply some or all of the above strategies that you will see a big reduction in anxiety symptoms. Then you can experience real happiness, peace, and joy.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

How to Overcome a Lack of Motivation To Do Anything

In this article, I’m going to cover 8 ways to help you overcome a lack of motivation to do anything.  If you ever need to do things but don’t feel like doing them, then this article will really help you.

You will learn how successful people overcome a lack of motivation to do anything.  They have different ways of dealing with a lack of motivation so that it doesn’t prevent them from achieving fantastic results and high levels of success in life.

Find out how you can overcome a lack of motivation to do anything right now.  Learn and apply this information and you can achieve your full potential and feel happy and fulfilled at the same time.

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Having a lack of motivation to do anything can be very frustrating when you’ve got big goals that you want to achieve. You just want the motivation or inspiration to get going.

To help you, I’m going to cover eight ways to help you increase your motivation:

1. Use action to create motivation

Many of us have this the wrong way around. You wait to feel motivated before you actually do anything. Can you relate to that? However, successful people take action first and then the motivation and inspiration comes later. They just do it, whether they feel like it or not. That’s a key difference. So the next time you don’t feel motivated, do the task anyway and just see what happens.

2. Take pleasure in the action, rather than the goal

This is about falling in love with the process, rather than the results. We tend to be hardwired to focus on immediate gratification, we want things now, we want the benefits now. Advertising is all about having things now because people want the quick fix.

Physical exercise is a wonderful example of where the benefits come later. Your goal to lose weight or build muscle can take a few months. So with exercise, fall in love with the process and enjoy what you’re doing.  Notice the feeling of accomplishment as you work towards achieving your long-term fitness goals.

3. Focus on benefiting others

Most (but not all) tasks are likely to benefit someone else down the road.  Thinking this way will get you out of your own head and more focused on serving others. For example, if you’re studying to become a doctor, lawyer or therapist, then your new specialized knowledge will benefit many people when you qualify and start using this knowledge.  Focussing on benefiting others is a great way to overcome a lack of motivation to do anything.

4. Know your purpose and why

If you have enough good reasons to do anything then the motivation will come. Start to get really clear on your vision, goal or target. Make it really exciting and notice how your motivation increases.

Write down 20 to 50 reasons or benefits for achieving this major goal. As you write these reasons, notice how your motivation increases. Your reasons could be positive or negative. Positive reasons pull you towards your goal.  Negative reasons push you towards your goal by focussing on moving away from something you don’t want. Both are useful.

When coming up with reasons, think about all the little details as well.  Also, think about the times when you have achieved goals in the past. This increases your belief that you can do it again.

5. Lower your expectations

A few weeks ago, I had a lot of things on my to-do list.  Just looking at it, made me feel overwhelmed and unmotivated.  It all seemed important, but there was no way I could do everything on the list.  I took a few things off the list and then felt confident about my ability to get these tasks done.

Setting too many tasks or goals and missing them on a regular basis sends a message to your unconscious mind that you are the kind of person that doesn’t achieve everything that’s on their to-do list. This then becomes a habit and lowers your belief that you can get things done quickly and efficiently.

6. Have a fun task as a reward

One of my favorite ways to overcome a lack of motivation to do anything is to have a fun task as a reward. When you look through your to-do list, there is probably one or two tasks that you feel more motivated to do. Make these reward tasks and only do them when you have completed more difficult or challenging tasks.  For me, reward tasks usually involve learning new personal development information or hypnotherapy techniques to use with my clients.

7. Know when to stop and evaluate

Have you ever had a time when you were taking action, but the motivation didn’t follow? Or you’re making mistakes, not getting much done and everything seems too hard? – When this happens, it’s time to take a break.  If you’re physically tired, take a power-nap.  If your brain needs a rest, then meditate for a while.  The Brendon Burchard release meditation is a good one to use on these occasions.  To do the release meditation, sit quietly with your eyes closed and say the word “release” every three or four seconds. This will help your brain refocus and revitalize.

8. Productive momentum

Productive momentum is getting a few short tasks completed early in the day.  This gets you into the habit of getting things done.  A great way to do this is to have a morning routine or morning ritual. This is a set of habits that you do every day.  This could include repeating affirmations, visualizing your goals, journaling or thinking of 5 things that you are grateful for.  Doing these rituals will increase your motivation immensely.

Morning routines are also a wonderful way to get yourself into a more positive frame of mind anyway, by starting the day working on yourself.  To find out more about how a morning ritual could help increase your motivation and level of fulfillment and happiness, go to www.selfhelpforlife.com/morningritualmastery.

So those are my eight ways to help you overcome a lack of motivation to do anything.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

How to use the Presuppositions of NLP to Change Your Attitude

Many people think of NLP as a series of cool and powerful techniques for personal transformation.  However, it’s much more than that.  Behind all these powerful techniques is a number of presuppositions of NLP.  Just knowing these can help you make a profound and dramatic change in your overall attitude to yourself, other people and life in general.

NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Still none the wiser? Keep reading!

“Neuro” refers to your nervous system. It’s about how your brain and mind interact with your body.

“Linguistic” refers to the words and language that you use, including body language or nonverbal communication.

“Programming” refers to your habits of thoughts, feelings and behaviours which are often unconscious. By using NLP, you can become more conscious of these habits and then start to change them.

NLP is fundamentally an attitude, a methodology that leaves behind a trail of techniques.  NLP is all about giving you more choice.  The presuppositions of NLP are a key component that underpins many of the key principles behind NLP.

NLP was created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the 1970s. It came from modelling highly successful people and then packaging this in a way that anyone can learn.

I’m now going to cover the 10 main presuppositions of NLP and show you how to use these to change your attitude.

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1. The Map is Not the Territory

We all have our own perspective on how we see the world (our Map). However, as everyone’s perspective is different, this “map” is not the same as what is actually happening externally (the Territory).

The map used for driving highlights the roads. However, to focus on the roads, the map hides most other information, such as hills and contour lines. A map used for hiking will focus on displaying paths, tracks and contour lines,  whilst a sailing map will focus on shallow versus deep water.  In each case, the territory is the same, but the map hides things that are not relevant to the specific type of map user.

So your map of the world focuses on certain bits of information and leaves a lot out.  Think of your map as your internal experience which consists of beliefs, memories and life experiences.  You then interpret the world based on your internal map. Our brains can only take in a maximum of 9 pieces of information at once.  Each person will take in 9 slightly different pieces of information depending on their beliefs, interests and awareness.  As a result, each persons map is slightly different.

Another idea of NLP is that you can expand your map over time. Your map can become more detailed and that will give you more choices in the future.

2. Respect each others model of the world

By recognising that everyone has a different map, viewpoint, perception or interpretation of life, it becomes easier to respond to their model of the world. Perhaps in the past, you judged other people as being right or wrong.  Now, you can develop an attitude of curiosity about their map of the world, their belief system, and how it differs from yours.

A good way to do this is to use an NLP technique called “Perceptual Positions“.  There are 3 perceptual positions, self, other and observer.

Think of a past situation that involved another person and didn’t go as well as you would have liked.

Start by looking at this situation through your own eyes.  This is easy. We do it all the time.  This is the perceptual position of self.

Now, look at this situation as if you were the other person.  Sit or stand like the other person and notice what you were saying and doing from their perspective.  By seeing it from their eyes, you will get a different perspective and a sense of what their map of the world is like.  This is the perceptual position of other.

Now, imagine watching this situation as a fly on the wall or as someone else in the room. Watch yourself and the other person.  Notice how each person reacts to what is being said.  You will probably notice different ideas and different perspectives from this more detached position.  This is the perceptual position of the observer.

I feel that this is one of the most important presuppositions of NLP and the world would be a more peaceful and happy place if more people adopted this presupposition.

3. The Meaning of your Communication is the Response that you get

If you communicate with another person and they don’t completely understand or get the meaning, then it’s your fault!

The responsibility is on you to develop greater rapport, change what you’re saying or your nonverbal body language. Remember that you cannot, not communicate. Even if you’re silent, you’re still communicating through body language.

Taking responsibility for your communication is one of the fundamental presuppositions of NLP and can be a real game-changer in business and in relationships generally.

4. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback

Would Thomas Edison have created the light bulb if every time he failed he wallowed in that failure for several days? Probably not.

Whatever happens is pure feedback.  It tells us we’re slightly off course, so we can make a correction. Every result is feedback. This simple attitude shift will allow you to measure your progress and make changes more easily.

5. Modelling successful people leads to excellence.

As mentioned earlier, NLP came about after Richard Bandler and John Grinder modelled very successful people in the 1970s.  They included Virginia Satir (a very successful family therapist) and Milton Erickson (a hugely successful hypnotherapist).

The people that they modelled had certain thoughts, beliefs, values and behaviours that made them successful, even if they didn’t consciously know this. NLP has some great strategies to help you elicit the unconscious behaviours of successful people.

6. People always make the best choice that they can

People will always make the best choice or decision based on their map of reality.  Think about your parents.  They occasionally told you off or said things that you didn’t want to hear. It was their way of helping you learn the difference between right and wrong so that you became a good kid and adult.  Often your parents were dealing with other stresses and pressures at the same time as looking after you.

So people always make the best choice at any given time.  As they learn, they can upgrade their perspective (their map) and make better choices and develop new beliefs in the future.

7. People work perfectly

No one is wrong or broken, people function perfectly, even if their behaviour is ruining their life in some way.

Every behaviour has a structure or a strategy to it. That strategy is driven by the person’s beliefs that generate their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Find a more effective strategy (perhaps by modelling others), and behaviour and outcomes will change.

8. Every behaviour has a positive intention.

We do things either to gain pleasure or avoid pain! – It’s really that simple!  Separate the intention from the action, and the person can create a more positive and beneficial behaviour to meet the same positive intention.

Addictive and other self-sabotaging behaviours can be behind a positive intention to fulfil one or more of the ten fundamental human needs.  Once the person realizes this, they can find a different behaviour to meet this human need better.

9. The Mind and Body are a connected system.

The mind influences the body, and the body influences the mind. The next time you feel sad or depressed, try looking up. You will find that the depressed feelings will naturally drift away.  Why? – because the body can’t do depression when you’re looking up!

When you breathe more deeply, you will find that your thoughts slow down and seem quieter and less obvious in your mind.  This will then help reduce feelings of anxiety.

10. If what you’re doing isn’t working, do something else.

Start by doing, and notice what’s working and do more of that. If the actions aren’t getting results, try a different approach.  Do all this with an attitude of curiosity. Take action because you’re really curious to see what’s going to happen and then adapt accordingly as you need to.

How can the presuppositions of NLP help change your attitude?

So these are the 10 presuppositions of NLP. Just being aware of these can really help improve your attitude. If you accept the idea that the meaning of your communication is the response that you get, then your attitude shift will be to take greater responsibility for your communication.

If you play with the idea that the map is not the territory, the next time you talk to someone that has a very different view of the world, you can be curious, rather than resistant.

If you believe that every behaviour has a positive intention, then you can be more patient with people who are angry or rub you up the wrong way.

Knowing that there is no failure, only feedback can make a huge difference to your life and rid you of the emotional impact of making mistakes every so often.

A lot of people think of NLP as a series of clever techniques, but really understanding the attitude and methodology behind it, is far more important.  If you can really master the attitude of NLP and these 10 presuppositions of NLP, then it can really help you live a more peaceful, happy and successful life, and have a more positive attitude as well.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

The Effects of Procrastination and How to Overcome Them

In this article, I’ll cover why you procrastinate, the effects of procrastination, and how to overcome it.

Procrastination is created by you, not by the activity. The resistance to doing something is basically a fear, often a fear of failure or a fear of rejection.  It can arise when someone tells you what to do and you want to resist that.

You may also procrastinate when the task is boring or not motivating.  If your self-confidence is low, you may procrastinate because tasks seem harder or outside of your abilities. We also procrastinate when we associate pain with doing something. That pain could be effort, discomfort or feeling that the task is hard or stressful. However, this is purely the meaning or perception that you give to that particular task.  It’s making it seem much bigger than it really is.

There are three types of procrastination.

  1. Not starting tasks
  2. Not finishing tasks or tasks taking longer than they need to take.  This is often due to a fear of the task not being perfect.
  3. Putting off making decisions, or requiring too much information to make a decision.

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The effects of procrastination

Just knowing the effects of procrastination could give you the rocket fuel that you need to spring into action.  They include:

  • Loss of precious time, which could be spent with family, friends or having some fun!
  • Regret later in life from missed opportunities to change your life and make a difference.
  • Lower self-esteem and self-confidence.
  • Rushed, last minute, emotional decisions that may not be the best for you.  The quality of your life is largely influenced by the quality of your decisions.
  • Damage to your reputation, by not delivering on time.
  • Poor health, due to additional stress and anxiety by leaving things to the last minute or by putting off important health checks.

The cure for procrastination is taking action! I can think of so many times in my life when doing the task immediately made me feel better and increased my self-confidence.  However, taking action is not always easy, so keep reading and I’ll share many ways to get off your butt and get going!

1. Do the most challenging task first

Most people have higher concentration and will-power earlier in the day, so it makes sense to do the most challenging task first.  This will boost your motivation and every other task will be easier after the first task. However, set a time-limit for the most challenging task, so you don’t spend all day doing it.

2. Limit distractions

Create a distraction-free environment. Turn off E-mail and mobile notifications. Why? your brain will unconsciously look for reasons to pull you away from tasks you don’t want to do. Your brain spots a notification and before you know it, you’re not doing the task you set out to do.  Also, keep your desk tidy. Robin Sharma says that “mess creates stress”.

3. Don’t try to be perfect

Perfectionism is the partner in crime to procrastination. Remember that good enough is fine. You can always improve it over time. I know this is obvious but the extra time spent on making it perfect could be spent doing something else.

The same applies to making decisions. Set a time-limit for the amount of research and information gathering you will do.  Then go ahead and make the best decision you can, with the information available.

4. Reward yourself

Associating a reward to completing tasks will give you more motivation.  Remember “what gets rewarded gets repeated”. Your brain will start to automatically associate getting things done with some kind of reward. That’s good for getting things done and for your overall level of happiness and fulfillment.  Match the reward to the task.  For a small task, the reward could be chatting with a colleague for a few minutes. For larger tasks and projects, it could be a night out at the movies or going out for dinner.

5. Say the words “Do It Now”

To combat procrastination, Brian Tracy suggests repeating the words “Do it now.” until you feel like doing the task. Keep saying this regularly and your unconscious mind will pick up on this. Before you know it, you will have developed a new habit and be taking more action naturally.

6. Change your thinking

If you keep thinking about how your chronic procrastination gets in the way of your motivation, your goals, your dreams, then this will become a subconscious belief and that’s how your life will continue.

Instead, think about how brilliant you are at getting difficult and important tasks done straightaway and how incredibly organized you are with your time. Over time, your subconscious mind will accept that as the “truth” and you will naturally get more things done faster.

7. 30-day procrastination diet

Robin Sharma suggests creating a list of 30 things that you’ve been putting off and doing one of these things each day for 30 days. Do this and you will build up greater willpower and the habit of getting things done! This is a novel way to overcome the effects of procrastination and it’s great for your self-confidence too.

8. Ban the words “should”, “have to” and “must”

When your brain hears the words “should”, “have to” and “must”, it feels like it’s being told what to do and it resists.  Imagine another person saying that you should, must or have to do something.  If you’re like most people, you would probably rebel.  That’s basically what your brain does when it hears these words.

Instead, use words that provide options and choices, such as “could”, “choose” or “want”  For example, I could complete this assignment today or I want to go to the gym. Then think of the consequences of not doing it.  Your mind will then realize that you have a choice, but with choice comes consequences.

9. Feel the resistance

When you procrastinate, notice the resistance and tension in your body. Take a couple of deep breaths in, and really feel that feeling. Your mind will then start to calm down and you’ll gain a different perspective on the task.  It won’t seem so big anymore.  You can also release the feelings of resistance using the Sedona Method questions.

10. Ask questions

When you ask yourself a question, your mind is compelled to answer it. A good question is “If I don’t do this task, what will it cost me in my life?” Answering this question will reveal the pain of not doing it and spur you into action.  It’s a negative motivation.

Other questions are “How will doing this task improve my life?” or “What will doing this task give me?” The answers to these questions will be reasons or benefits for doing the task.  This will fuel your motivation to get on with it.

11. Focus on completion

Overcome the effects of procrastination by focussing on how you will feel when you complete the task. You will then feel more motivated and inspired to act now.

12. Change your measurement of time

To make the future seem more immediate use a smaller measurement of time.  For example, think of a year as 12 months, 1 day as 24 hours, or 2 hours as 120 minutes. For some strange reason, using smaller time units makes the future seem more immediate.

13. Have an accountability buddy

Being accountable to someone else is one of the best ways to stay motivated and avoid the effects of procrastination. Share your goals and deadlines with someone else and ask them to monitor your progress and check up on you.  A life coach is great for this, but a good friend or partner can also keep you accountable and on track.

14. Break big tasks into smaller chunks

Writing a book, essay or report can often feel like an immense task.  If that’s the case, break it down into smaller chunks.  For example, if writing a book, you could decide on the title today, a list of topics tomorrow and then write a few pages or a chapter each day.

15. Don’t beat yourself up

There will be times when you procrastinate or things take longer than expected and you feel frustrated. When this happens, be kind to yourself. Beating yourself up or being overly hard or critical, will make you procrastinate more. You start associating more pain with procrastinating and that makes it worse.

Instead, reset your goals, do some self-reflection to learn from the experience and have another go.

16. Have a Power Hour

Another good way to deal with the effects of procrastination is to identify when you are most productive. Is it first thing in the morning, in the afternoon or evening or maybe late at night. Work out the best time for you and do the hardest tasks during that time.

17. Just do it!

I know this is easier said than done.  However, see if you can ignore the feelings and the mental noise in your head and just do the task.  Even if it’s just for a few minutes, If nothing else works, just do it! It seems so simple, but it can really work.

So there are my 17 tips to help you overcome the effects of procrastination, I encourage you to practice as many of these as possible and notice which ones work best for you. Start to notice yourself getting more done, feeling more productive, happier and more fulfilled as a result.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

How to Overcome Fear of Rejection

Have you wondered how to overcome fear of rejection?  Perhaps this fear has been stopping you in your tracks.  Preventing you from making new friends, forming intimate relationships or gaining career advancement.

The fear of rejection is an irrational fear that people won’t accept, approve or like you. It’s the idea that other people won’t like your opinions, looks, personality, values, beliefs or behavior.

In this article, I cover how to overcome fear of rejection in detail.  I’ll share with you 10 specific strategies that will help you let go of your fear of rejection once and for all.

Watch the video below:

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Listen to the Podcast  

However, this fear of rejection may go back even further to a time when humans lived in tribes. To live and survive, it was necessary to stay within a tribe. If the tribe rejected you, then you would need to fend for yourself and could potentially die of starvation. So, as a result, a fear of rejection has become part of our survival mechanism.

The main areas where people come across a fear of rejection are career, friendships, and intimate relationships.  It happens when you think about other people in a negative way.  This could be thinking that other people believe that you can’t achieve your dreams. Or it could be a feeling that you’re not worthwhile to others. Feelings of low self-esteem and thoughts of not being intelligent, talented or smart enough can also be apparent.

So to help you learn how to overcome fear of rejection,  I’ve come up with 10 specific strategies.  Here they are:

1. Let go of the belief that you will always be rejected

If you believe that whenever you approach someone that they will reject you then it’s much more likely to happen!  You will give off an energy and an unconscious negative signal that will come across in your body language. This will push people away, so they’re more likely to reject you. Unfortunately, when this happens, a belief strengthens in your mind that you will always be rejected, and it becomes a vicious cycle.

So instead, look at the facts.  According to Brendon Burchard, an average of five to seven people will seriously hurt your feelings in your lifetime. Many thousands of other people that you interact with go well or at least okay.  So realize that your chance of getting badly rejected is actually very very small.

2. Reduce the meaning of your rejection

Every famous person, especially musicians, novelists, and artists were rejected many times. It was simply part of their journey to success. A key step in learning how to overcome fear of rejection is to reduce the meaning of rejection and be aware of any all or nothing or black and white thinking. For example, “If I don’t get this job or meet this particular person, then my life is over” is a good example of all or nothing thinking.

To change this type of thinking, broaden the goal. For example,  “You know, it’s not so much about the job, it’s more about going to work and feeling happy, fulfilled and energized, regardless of what the job is”.  By broadening the goal, you make rejection less meaningful.

I also suggest separating any feelings of rejection from your overall sense of self-worth and self-love.  You can do this by eliminating the word rejection from your vocabulary. Brendon Burchard found that people that don’t have an issue with rejection rarely use that word!

3. Know what you want along with reasons and benefits

Knowing what you want is a key step in understanding how to overcome fear of rejection. When you really know what you want, your motivation and desire will be much higher than the pain of the rejection. You will then be much more likely to do it. Ask yourself questions like:

What do I want from this person?

Why is talking to this person important to me?

How will talking to this person benefit me?

Also, ask yourself how much will I suffer if I don’t overcome my fear of rejection? This question is confronting and will create more pain. For some people, this will give them the “kick up the backside” to change.

4. Face your fear of rejection head on

Right now, think about a situation where you have a fear of rejection. Notice the negative thoughts and feelings that come up. Those negative thoughts and feelings are a big part of any fear and prevent you from taking action.

However, when you don’t take action, you reinforce the negative thoughts and strengthen the fear. So instead you want to face the fear and act!  Take action regardless of those negative thoughts and feelings. Take small steps outside of your comfort zone, knowing that you might get rejected, but understanding that this is just a temporary feeling.

It’s much better to be rejected than face a feeling of regret or the fear of missing out. Rejection is temporary and leads to positive change. Lose out on the opportunity and the regret of missing out is permanent.

5. Imagine how you want the situation to go

Visualize how you want the situation with other people to go. In your mind, notice yourself feeling and acting differently. Notice people responding positively to you. See yourself looking calm, in control and relaxed. Imagine seeing yourself on a large TV screen doing all these things in a very positive, self-assured, and calm way. Then jump into the TV screen, and imagine yourself seeing it all through your own eyes.

if you’re wondering how to overcome fear of rejection, then practice visualizing and notice how this replaces this fear with confidence.

6. Explore where your feeling of rejection came from

Earlier in this article, I mentioned that most people are rejected badly five to seven times in their life. You may remember some of these times or not. Here is a wonderful exercise that can help you neutralize unpleasant rejection experiences from the past.

Find a comfortable place, close your eyes and allow your mind to take you back to times when you’ve been rejected in the past, especially when you were younger and smaller. However, as you do this, take the present you with you.

When a rejection situation comes to mind, get a really good sense of what it is, so that you can feel the feelings inside.  Then imagine the present adult you telling that younger you that everything is okay, that you’re fine, you’re parents/teachers etc were having a bad day and it wasn’t really about you. Doing this will help you change your beliefs about these past situations and neutralize the emotions.

7. Remember that the person that rejects you can lose out as well.

You take a risk by asking someone, but the other person also takes a risk by saying “Yes” or “No”. By saying “No” they could be missing out on a wonderful new employee, a loving and caring partner, or an honest new friend. Also, the other person might say “No” because they are having a bad day, or are in a bad mood.

8. Be less of a people pleaser

If you find it hard to say no to other people’s requests, especially when they seem unreasonable, then practice saying no to these requests. This helps you respect your own needs and boosts your self-confidence as well. You will also understand the reasons why other people say “No” to you, because you’re reasons for saying “No” will be similar to other peoples.

9. Focus on the Positive Outcome

A great way of learning how to overcome fear of rejection is to focus on the positive outcome.  Any thoughts of being rejected or failing are no more true than the opposite thoughts of being accepted and successful. However, the positive thoughts will help you feel better inside. When you feel better, you act more confidently and the other person will notice that.

10. Remember that being rejected is not the end of the world

Ask yourself, if I was rejected in this situation, what would be the worst thing that would happen?  Consider the worst case scenario and how you would deal with it.  Answer any “What If” questions and create plans and contingencies to deal with the worst case scenario. Once you do this, the fear will reduce and you can act more successfully

Most people come up with “What If” questions such as “what if I lose my job?” or “what if my boss refuses my request for a pay rise?” but never answer them. Possible answers to the pay rise what if questions could be the following:

  • I can find a way to live with less money.
  • I could get a part time job that will earn me some more money.
  • I can look for a full time job that pays more money.

So these are my 10 ways to help you learn how to overcome fear of rejection quickly and easily.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

How to Write Affirmations that are Believable and Get Results

Every thought is an affirmation, especially repetitive thoughts you think often. We are bombarded with negative messages, especially from the media. Positive affirmations can help redress the balance.  To help you do that, I’m going to cover how to write affirmations that are believable and get results.

Affirmations often get a bad wrap and many people think they don’t work. However, once you learn how to write affirmations that work for you, then you’ll really start to notice the benefits.

The key is to know how to write affirmations that your unconscious mind can accept.  This is so important and could be the reason why affirmations may not have worked for you until now.

So in this video blog, I cover 10 ways to write affirmations that are believable and get results.  Some of these ways are very different and may seem new to you.  That’s a good thing as it will give you a fresh approach to using affirmations to enhance all areas of your life.

Watch the video below:

Click here to watch on YouTube

Listen to the Podcast  

1. Make them believable

The first way to learn how to write affirmations effectively is to make them believable to you.  This step is so important and to really hammer it home, I would like you to say the affirmation “I am a millionaire” right now, out loud if possible!

When you say that, what do you notice? What thoughts do you notice? Was there an internal voice, saying something like, “Oh, no, you’re not”  or “No, that’s impossible” or “Don’t be so stupid”?  These are typical thoughts that come from an affirmative statement like this one.  They come from a part of your mind called the critical faculty, which protects you from new ideas that are not believable or don’t make sense.  It blocks these ideas from going into your unconscious or subconscious mind.

Andrew Parr describes the critical faculty is like a bouncer in a nightclub. The bouncer decides who to let into the nightclub and who to keep out.  Turn up with 10 other guys and you probably won’t be let in, as you’re seen as a threat.  A similar logic applies when you bring a new idea or affirmation to your critical faculty.  If the idea is seen as a significant threat to the status quo, then it won’t accept it.   Think of the critical faculty as your “door policy for new ideas”

“I Want” and “I Can” statements

To get past this door policy for new ideas you need to make the affirmation less direct and more believable.  A good way to do this is to use an “I want” statement. Say to yourself right now “I want to be a millionaire.” Say it out loud if you can. What’s that like? It’s likely that your critical faculty, your door policy for new ideas, will accept that more. It’s more believable. It might say something like… “Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe I can accept that.”

The “I want” statement provides a stepping stone to changing your belief.  Repeat this affirmation often and take action towards becoming a millionaire. Your belief will grow and then you can take it to the next step which is an “I can” affirmation. For example “I can be a millionaire.” Say that to yourself or out loud now. What’s that like?  Right now, it won’t seen as believable as “I want to be a millionaire”, but that will change with time, action and repetition.

“I am” statements

As time goes on, the affirmation “I am a millionaire” will start to become more believable, especially if you’re seeing your wealth increasing through taking specific actions backed up with the previous “I want” and “I can” affirmations.

Many personal development experts state that affirmations must start with “I am.” That’s fine as long as your critical faculty (the door policy for new ideas) accepts that direct “I am” affirmation. If it doesn’t, the affirmation will not stick or slip into your unconscious mind. Instead, It will be rejected, because it’s not believable.

Making your affirmations believable is a key step in learning how to write affirmations that work for you.

2. Write stepping stone affirmations

The second way to write affirmations that are believable and stick is to use stepping stone affirmations. For example, say this affirmation to yourself (or out loud if you can). “Every day I am making progress to becoming a millionaire.”  What do you notice inside as you say that?  What does your critical faculty think of this affirmation?  It seems more believable.

Here is another example.  “Every day I am becoming one step closer to becoming a millionaire”? Again, this is much more believable. Notice that both affirmations include the phrase “I am”.  This is fine because the affirmation itself is believable. The door policy for new ideas can accept this affirmation.

The classic stepping stone affirmation is, “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better,” by Émile Coué.

3. Be specific

When writing affirmations, make them as specific as you can. The affirmation, “I want to be rich,” is too vague. What does rich mean?  A much more specific affirmation would be “I want to earn $115,000 by the end of 2018”.  This affirmation has a specific amount of money and a specific date.

How about the affirmation, “I want to lose weight?” Again, that’s pretty vague. A much better affirmation could be “I enjoy wearing a size 12 dress.”

What about the affirmation, “I am confident“? Is that specific or vague? Let’s do a little exercise right now to answer this question. I invite you to complete the sentence below.

“Confidence means being able to …”

What comes up for you?  It will probably be different to someone else.  I encourage you to scroll down to the bottom of this article and enter your answer in the comments.  At the same time, notice what other people have entered.  Here are some examples from other people:

“Confidence means being able to….

…do something scary and know it will turn out okay”.

…do your best and be okay with the outcome”.

…just be myself and not rely on the opinions of others.”

…be comfortable with people from many backgrounds”.

…be able to pick up the phone and talk clearly and enthusiastically to 10 new customers a day.”

So you can see that the word “confidence” is actually quite vague.

Now, turn this sentence into an affirmation.  Here are some affirmations based on the above examples:

“I always do my best and I know that it will turn out okay.”

“I always feel that I can do it.”

“Today, I easily pick up the phone and talk clearly and enthusiastically to 10 new customers.”

Notice how much more specific these affirmations are.  Be as specific as you can with your affirmations. When thinking about how to write affirmations, remember that a vague affirmation will give you a vague and uncertain result.

4. Write affirmations in the positive

Your unconscious mind thinks in pictures rather than words and it doesn’t hear the word “No”.

Repeat the affirmation “I no longer eat Kentucky Fried Chicken,” to yourself (or out loud if you can). What does your brain imagine as you say that? If you’re like most people, you’re probably noticing the look, smell and taste of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Although the affirmation is about no longer eating Kentucky Fried Chicken, your brain still has to think about it and imagine it. This is the reason for writing your affirmations in the positive. A better affirmation could be “I only eat food that nourishes my body and makes me feel great.”

When writing affirmations, avoid using the words “no”, “not”, “never”, or can’t”.

5. Write affirmations to support your goals

You want to ensure that your affirmations are aligned with your goals.  The best way to do that is to create a list of goals first and write affirmations that support your goals.
For example, if you have a goal to reduce your weight from 80 kilos to 70 kilos, then affirmations that would support achieving this goal could include:

“I am quickly and easily achieving my ideal weight of 70 kilos.”

“I enjoy and look forward to exercising four times a week.”

“Everyday, I naturally eat food that supports my weight loss goals and I enjoy them too.”

So when considering how to write affirmations for yourself, have your bigger goals in mind and make the affirmations relevant.

6. Write outcome and process affirmations

The affirmation “I want to be a millionaire” is an outcome affirmation, as it’s not completely within your control.  The affirmation “I want to lose 20 kilos” is not completely within your control either.  Yes, there are things you can do to maximize the chances of making these a reality, but they are not completely guaranteed.

Outcome affirmations are about achieving some goal.  Process affirmations are about the steps that you can take to achieve that goal.

Examples of process affirmations that would support the “I want to be a millionaire” outcome affirmation would include:

“I am starting a new business that follows my passion.”

“I’m seeing 20 clients a week and making $2,000.”

“I invest 10% of everything I earn.”

All these affirmations are within your control and also support the higher goal of becoming a millionaire or achieving a certain level of income.

Remember to have a mix of outcome and process affirmations when you consider how to write affirmations that will work best for you.

7. Write words that trigger emotions

Affirmations are far more effective when you can experience the emotion at the same time.

To achieve this, use emotionally charged words in your affirmations. Words like inspired, powerful, happy, grateful, ecstatic, alive, joyful, delighted, loving, beautiful, secure, serene, triumphant, enthusiastic, peaceful, calm, great or wonderful.  For example “I feel wonderful fitting into a size 12 dress.”

When deciding how to write affirmations that inspire you to take action, include a few emotionally charged words.

8. Write affirmations that support a new identity

All beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions come from our sense of identity.  Therefore, the fastest way to make any kind of change is to develop a new sense of identity.  if you’re trying to lose weight, think about the sense of identity that a fitness trainer would have. My guess is that it would be something like, “I am someone that eats to nourish my body and I exercise daily to have the body that I deserve.”

For a fitness trainer, their whole identity is about eating to nourish the body and exercising daily. This will flow down to their beliefs about exercise and food choices.

For a millionaire, their sense of identity might be something like, “I am a person that makes money easily by making good business decisions, by investing wisely, and offering as much value to others as I possibly can.”

So write affirmations that support a new sense of identity.  Imagine being the person you desire and consider how to write affirmations that will help you become that person.

9. Use resources and experiences from the past.

I’m sure you have resources, emotional states or skills from the past or present that can be used as fuel for your future affirmations. For someone that is very successful in their career and has a hard time losing weight, a suitable affirmation could be:

“I use the drive and determination that I have in my career to achieve my ideal weight of 70 kilos.”

This affirmation will help the person to apply their existing resources of drive and determination and use these in a different area of life.  I encourage you to think about things that you’ve done well in the past or present, and then include these in affirmations to help you make changes in the future.

10. Write affirmations to automatically replace negative thoughts and feelings.

So my final tip in learning how to write affirmations that are effective is to have a toolbox of affirmations that you can use to immediately replace repetitive negative thoughts. Here is how to do it.

Start by finding a sheet of A4 paper. On the left, write down all your repetitive negative thoughts and any negative feelings that you regularly notice.  Now on the right side, I want you to write an affirmation that is the opposite of that.  Here are some examples.

If you find that you’re often judging people, your new affirmation might be “I accept everyone just the way they are”.  As soon as you notice yourself judging someone, you immediately replace this thought with the new affirmation.

If you often notice pain in the body (and you’ve already had it checked out medically), then you could immediately use the affirmation “Every cell of my body vibrates with energy and health.”

When you feel stuck, immediately replace that thought with “If I’m committed, there is always a way.”

When you find you’re focusing on things that you don’t have in your life or things that are not working, immediately replace that thought with “The more I focus on what I do want, the faster I will get it.”

The most important thing is to write the affirmations in advance but only use them when the need arises, when that repetitive negative thought or feeling comes up.

Next steps

Be creative about what you write affirmations about. Create affirmations for thinking patterns you want to change, life experiences you want to improve, experiences you want to have, feelings you want to enjoy, and how you would like your life to be like.

So these are my 10 ways to write affirmations that are both believable and get results. I encourage you to try them out and let me know how you get on.   Now you know exactly how to write affirmations that are specific, work for you, are aligned with your goals and will inspire you to act.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul

How to Release Emotions using the Sedona Method Questions

Suppressing, repressing and expressing feelings and emotions are great options in some situations.  However, at times, you can get stuck in an emotional dead-end.  When this happens, it’s important to know how to release emotions quickly, easily and effectively.  Getting rid of emotional baggage is a skill that you can get better at.  The Sedona Method questions are one of the most simple and effective ways to release emotions so that you feel more in control, centered and alive.

In this article, I will explain how to release emotions using the Sedona Method questions, so that you can start doing this today and reap the benefits. If you have ever wondered how to release emotions effectively, then you’ll find the Sedona Method questions to be a simple approach that works really well.

Most of the information for this article comes from the Sedona Method book by Hale Dwoskins.  This book covers the Sedona Method questions and the whole releasing process in incredible detail and is well worth a read.

Watch the video below:

Click here to watch on YouTube

Listen to the Podcast  

Suppressing and Expressing

We can either suppress emotions by holding them inside or express them by acting them out.  Both are useful and not useful.  It depends on the situation.

If you’re in a meeting with your boss, clients or other colleagues, and someone says something that makes you really angry, expressing your anger in this meeting could get you into trouble.  Its far better to suppress the anger, so that you don’t say or do something you regret later.

However, in an intimate relationship, it’s much better to express love and affection fully, openly and completely rather than hold it inside.  Suppressing these emotions could leave your partner confused or doubting how much you love them.

So suppressing and expressing feelings and emotions can be useful in the short term.  However, if you’re continually suppressing or expressing the same feeling for a long time, then this can get you into trouble.

Continually suppressing feelings, especially guilt, anger or resentment is bad for your body and can lead to health problems.  Your brain will unconsciously express these feelings, but you continually hold them in.  Rather than face the feelings, you might use alcohol, food or long hours in the office as methods to hide these feelings.

Continual expressing of feelings creates problems for other people and affects you as well.  If you’re always acting out your anger, then it starts to become a habit, then part of your identity.  You become an angry person. Being a person that is regularly angry will affect your relationships with other people, especially your partner and family. People won’t hang around with you as much and will avoid you.

Releasing

So if long-term suppression and expression of feelings creates problems, then what is the alternative?  It’s releasing.  It’s the middle ground that people rarely think about. However, it is something we naturally do.

You release emotions when you laugh or when you get that sense of relief after finding your keys or wallet that you thought you’d lost.  But how do you release emotions consciously?  This is where the Sedona Method comes in.

In another article, I described the nine fundamental emotional states and introduced the Sedona Method book by Hale Dwoskin.

The Sedona Method questioning technique is a really simple process to help you release or let go of emotions. It’s so simple that it’s easy to dismiss.  However, it really works, especially when done regularly.  If you’re wondering how to release emotions, then keep reading.

The 5 Sedona Method Questions

The Sedona Method releasing process consists of 5 Sedona Method questions.  Learning how to release emotions effectively involves understanding these 5 key questions.

1: What am I feeling right now?

The first step is to focus on an issue or problem in your life. As you think about it, notice the feelings and emotions that come to the surface.  The feelings don’t need to be strong or intense. A numb, flat or blank feeling works just as well. Once you have a good sense of the issue and feeling, ask yourself “What am I feeling right now? Notice what comes up for you.

2: Can I fully experience this feeling right now?

The next step in learning how to release emotions effectively is to ask yourself, “Can I fully experience this feeling right now? You will either get a “Yes” or a “No” answer. Let this answer come intuitively. Don’t try to push it or analyze it.

If you get a “Yes” answer, then fully experience the feeling as well as any sensations, sounds, thoughts, and pictures that arise with this feeling. Experience this feeling fully in the here and now as best as you can.

This is important because most of our thoughts, pictures, and stories are geared towards the past or the future. We are rarely in the present. So step 2 is to really experience this feeling in the present right now. The only time you can release and change your feelings (or anything else in your life) is in the here and now. So experience this as best as you can right now.

If the answer is “No”, to this Sedona Method question, then notice the feeling that comes up with your “No” answer. It’s likely to be some kind of resistance. Notice what the feeling is and then go back to step 1 with this new feeling.

3: Can I let it go?

The third Sedona Method question is to ask “Can I let it go? Can I let this feeling go, or even the whole issue? Can I just let the whole thing go from my life?” This question is asking, “Is it possible to do this?“

“Yes” and “No” are both acceptable answers. You will often find that you release and let go even when you answer “No”. Answer this question with the minimum of thought. Don’t try and second guess or get into an internal debate about the merits or consequences.

In the Sedona Method book, Hale Dwoskins states that these questions are deliberately simple. They are not necessarily important in themselves but are designed to help you into the experience of letting go. To let go and stop holding on.  Gaining an experience of how to release emotions is the most important thing.

If you get a “Yes” answer to this Sedona Method question, move to step 4.

If you get a “No” answer, notice the feeling that comes with that.  Again, it will be some kind of resistance or holding-on feeling. Get a good sense of that feeling, then go back to step one and work through the questions again with this new feeling.

4: Am I willing to let it go?

The fourth step in learning how to release emotions using the Sedona Method questions is to ask yourself, “Am I willing to let it go?

Again, avoid any kind of debate. You’re doing this to gain your own sense of freedom and clarity. It doesn’t matter if the issue or feeling is justified, long-standing, or even right.

If you answer “Yes” to this Sedona Method question, move to step 5.

If you answer “No” or are unsure, ask yourself this question.  “Would I rather have this feeling or would I rather be free?”  If you get a “Yes” answer, move to step 5.

If you get a “No” answer, then notice what comes up for you. Again, it’s likely to be some kind of resistance feeling. Notice what it is and then go back to step one using this new feeling.

5: When?

The fifth and final step in the Sedona Method question process is to ask yourself the very simple question “When?”

This question is an invitation to release or let go right now. You might find yourself letting go as soon as you consider or answer this question. However, more often than not, letting go or releasing is a decision. It’s a decision you can make at any time. This question encourages you to make the decision to let go right now.  A key part of knowing how to release emotions is making the decision to do it.

If the answer is “Not Now” or sometime in the future, then notice what comes up and go back to step one using this new feeling. It may be a feeling of hesitation or resistance.

If the answer is “Now”, you will typically start releasing immediately.

Releasing Tips and Techniques

Answering the “When?” question will often kick-start the releasing process.  However, there are things you can do that make the releasing experience more effective and magical.  They work really well with the Sedona Method questions and really enhance the releasing process.

The first method is to release or let go as you breathe out.  Practice breathing out the emotion with a full, slow and controlled out breath.  It will feel like a sigh of relief.

The next one is to visualize a knot, and then see the knot unraveling as you let go.

Another option is to imagine gripping the feeling in your hand.  As you release, see your hand opening and notice that feeling leaving as you do that.  If you prefer, you can actually grip your hand and then open it as you release and let go.

Another method is to hold a small object in your hand like a pen. Then as you let go, open your hand and let the pen or item drop to the floor.

The last way is to put your hands on your stomach or solar plexus.  As you let go, tilt your hands up and out. This creates an imaginary space for the feelings to leave your body.

Practice these and notice how they enhance your experience of how to release emotions using the Sedona Method questions.

What next?

I encourage you to apply the Sedona Method questions to your life on a regular basis. The more you practice the Sedona questions, the better you will get at it.  Use my video to guide you through the process.

The results may be quite subtle to start with, but with practice, the results will become more and more noticeable. The wonderful thing about the Sedona Method is that once you release something, that feeling has changed for good, it’s a permanent change.

Use it consistently, and you’ll start to feel lighter and more centered. You will start to experience the higher level emotions of courageousness, acceptance, and peace more often.

I also recommend getting hold of the Sedona Method book,  It’s available on Amazon, The book is incredibly detailed and very practical as well, with lots of exercises.

Thank you for reading this article.  If you enjoyed it and found it useful, then please share it with other people, or on social media.

Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Paul